Mommy101 - Chronicles of a First Time Mommy

Caled at 2 and a half years old....

2012-01-30T16:46:00.001+08:00

I know that it is normal for each mother to brag about their child. For us Moms, there's not kid more cute, more adorable and more behaved than our own child. It comes into play when you're a mom...it's a given...

Caled is not two and a half years old. He's the center of attention in our family. He can charm his Lola (grandmother) into just about everything. He can melt his Tatay Ryann (my brother) with a smile and he can wiggle his way out of a punishment from his Tita Honeylet (my sister) by merely giggling at her or giving her puppy dog looks....

Don't get me wrong, Caled is not spoiled...really, he's not. He knows when he has done something wrong and he knows if he deserves to be punished - normally he would take it on himself to 'stand at the corner' without us telling him to.

I am just amazed at how he can make people smile. When we're out in the mall, he would smile at people and say hi to them. He also has a way with ladies....he likes it when he get's their attention.

I am ever grateful for Caled, how he's growing to be a good and well behaved child. The other night, before sleeping, he touched my face and said "Mama" insistently...apparently, we forgot to pray and it was his way of scolding me. So, with tears in my eyes, we prayed...me thanking God for the blessing of Caled and Caled babbling away with his stories for Papa God and Mama Mary.

I am forever grateful Lord....Thank YOU :)

This is Caled now....Terrific 2's!

2011-10-20T13:31:00.000+08:00

I am a Mother....

2011-10-20T13:13:00.000+08:00

There’s a higher post that opened in the place where I work. I have been pondering on applying for that post. The old Cathy would not think twice, I would have updated my resume and submitted it on the first day the vacancy was announced…that was the old Cathy…the Cathy before Caled.

I know getting that position would make it easier for me to handle some of the financial challenges that I’ve been having. At the same time, it would mean that I will be able to go back to shoe-shopping on a regular basis (yes, I know it’s shallow…but, there is something about shoes). A promotion is something that would definitely make our lives easier but again…Caled.

I am a mother to a two year old toddler. While some would say that this is the time of the terrible two’s - I fondly call this time, the “terrific two’s” Caled comes up with different stuff everyday. He always has a welcoming smile for me when I get home. The work that I have right now allows me to give him his morning bath, feed him breakfast, play with him, watch Monster’s Inc., read books and sing with him. It allows me time to watch him grow and learn new things and become the happy child that he is.

I get to see a miracle, I get to believe in magic and I get to experience it everyday. How in the world would I give that up?

I will be able to find ways to resolve my financial challenges, I will be able to address issues as they come. Time lost with Caled, I can never gain back…I am a mother above all else. Hearing Caled call me Mama over and over, hearing his giggles, singing with him…these moments are priceless…how can I trade it for a higher position at work? I work so I can provide for my son, but if I work too hard and miss precious moments with Caled…all the hardwork will be worthless. It would mean nothing.

I am a mother above all else…that’s how it is…that’s how its going to be…I know I already have the best post in the world. I already hold the greatest title - Caled’s Mom….Mommy ni Caled :)

He's Growing Handsome by the Day....

2011-03-14T09:12:00.001+08:00

Whenever I look at Caled, I cannot believe how fast he is growing and how handsome he gets by the day. I am more thankful because Caled is growing with a very good disposition, he's a happy, healthy, sweet child...

Thank you as ever Papa God and Mama Mary....

We love you so much Caled...I know I say it always...but when it comes to loving you my dear son, I don't think I will ever get tired from it :)

My Mom's Back for Good....

2011-03-13T17:54:00.001+08:00

After 14 years of not seeing her as she has been in Dubai....she's back!
After 31 years of working abroad....she's back!

Fine timing for Caled to get to know his grandmother and for us to be reunited with Mom.

Thank you as ever Papa God and Mama Mary....Thank YOU :)

21 Months and Counting :)

2011-02-20T09:58:00.000+08:00

The little boy is not so little anymore. He's now one year and 9 months :)

There has been a lot of changes on how things are with me ever since I had Caled. I would still have time to go out with friends every once in a while but I find myself more excited about being at home. Even if at times, I would be in the bedroom and Caled would be downstairs playing, the sound of his giggles would be enough to bring me that feeling of being contented and happy at home. At that particular moment, everything is just perfect.

Happy 21st month Caled. We love you so much....Mama is always so proud of you, you are such a happy little boy.

Thank you Papa God and Mama Mary for always making Caled healthy and happy :)

More Mommying than Blogging :)

2011-02-11T19:17:00.000+08:00

I have not been able to do a lot of blogging recently. It is due to the fact that I have been doing a lot of mommying :)

Caled is growing so fast, everyday, he will come up with a new trick and if I don't pay attention, I normally would miss it.

The little boy is now one year, eight months and 23 days old. This morning, I measured him and realized that he grew half an inch within the past month!

Its not only physically that Caled is growing fast...he is also a fast learner and his memory - geez! It's so sharp. The other day, I took Caled to have his haircut and while we were entering the shop, Caled started crying, he knows that he's going to have his encounter with the razor again and he hates the sound of the razor. Even when he was getting a haircut, the little one won't stop crying. I was holding him the whole time so I ended up with a lot of cut hair in me as well. It's the same when Caled goes to his Pediatrician, he starts getting fidgety and the moment he sees his Pedia, he starts crying as well. He knows that his Pedia is the one who normally gives her shots.

One thing that has not changed would be Caled's disposition, he's a happy baby. He would always have a ready smile and he's sooooooo sweet to the people he loves. He likes being hugged and he loves giving hugs as well.

As much as I would like to document everything that is happening with Caled, I would rather observe it and experience it. If there are times when I can write it, then I write it...but the moment is so much better savored with Caled, right there and then....if ever I remember to write it, you'll see it here, if not....it's OK, its saved in my memory bank anyways.

Christmas :)

2010-12-28T09:38:00.001+08:00

This is Caled's second Christmas. Last year, he was just awake for a while and then he went off to dreamland and the rest of us had our Noche Buena and continued with the Christmas Eve activities. This year, it's different. This Christmas Eve, we all went to mass - Caled, my siblings, my aunt, my cousins and a few friends. I was expecting for Caled to have a tantrum since we had to wake him up to attend mass but my little boy was in high spirits...he was even singing for the most part of the mass.

Caled is very sociable, he would smile at people and he's very comfortable to be with our friends, well, my cousins would normally take some time before Caled would go with them :) During the mass, Caled was humming his favorite tune, he loved being held by my siblings and my friends...towards the end of the mass, we were able to go near the Priest and touch the image of Baby Jesus.

Once we reached home, Caled was able to open his presents...he's still very young to get all excited about presents. He needed a LOT of help tearing the Christmas wrapping but once he saw the toys, he would get all excited about it.

This is Caled's second Christmas, I am sure each Christmas would be different for him...it is so wonderful to see Christmas through Caled's eyes....

Being a Child Again...

2010-12-23T18:32:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I came home from work after having almost one hour travel time from the office to our house. The travel time itself was really tiring and all I can think of during the time I was in the taxi cab is a very big glass of cold water. When I got home, I went to the bedroom and saw that Caled was taking his afternoon nap in his crib. I slowly crept towards the crib to look at him and this is what I saw:

It was enough to melt all of my tiredness away and to make me forget about the cold glass of water. I spent the next few minutes just staring at Caled and wondering about what he might be dreaming of or even if he was dreaming of anything...he looks so contended. There would be instances when he would smile or his eyes would flutter but after that, he would go back to this particular look.

Do you remember how it was like when you were a kid, no worries...no stress...this Holiday Season, it would be great to have a little bit of that kid inside of us, it will make us enjoy Christmas better. Merry Christmas everyone :)

Following my Passion....

2010-12-16T15:51:00.000+08:00

After almost 10 years in the BPO Industry, I have decided to go to a different path...I have decided to follow my passion. This coming year will be a start of something that I have always wanted to do, I will still work as I would need to have a consistent income but aside from that, I will do something on the side. This is something very challenging for me, I have butterflies in my stomach just by thinking about it but as I've said....with HIS grace and the support of family and friends...I know I will not fail.

I will definitely share with you what it will be once we have it accomplished....2011 will be a great year...I can feel it.

Here's a clue....

As always, this is for my Caled :) my dear son, you have made me more brave, you have given me the extra drive to do something on my own...this is for you son...I love you so much.

Blessings....

2010-12-13T18:34:00.000+08:00

This is my extended family...I said before how blessed I feel by having great people around me. I would say now that Caled is doubly blessed by having the same people around him. I would not have to worry of having help with regard to making sure Caled grows up to be a good person, I don't need to...he is surrounded by good people.

For this alone...I am ever thankful...

Enjoying Bedtime

2010-12-07T19:30:00.000+08:00

For almost ten years, I have been working in the graveyard shift. My normal day would start with me waking up at 5PM and being at work at 8PM or 9PM...that was normal for me. Recently, I was given a different duty - I am now assigned for an account that runs in the morning shift. Regular time for regular people - the change, surprisingly, is a welcome change.

I am now able to enjoy bedtime with Caled and be able to have him sleep beside me. I would also be able to read to him regularly - before, there would be times when I need to pass up on reading to Caled as there are times when I'm needed in the office early due to meetings or conference calls.

I guess after almost ten years...it is about time for me to join the normal world.

First Attempt at MovieMaker

2010-12-01T17:37:00.000+08:00

I did not only make a collage for Caled, I tried out making a video too...this will be handy during birthday celebrations :)

I'm actually working on some other videos that I can do, yep...when I have spare time.

I love being a mom...

Caled Collage

2010-12-01T16:56:00.001+08:00

I made a collage of my favorite Caled pictures from the time he was one week old to the time he's a year and a half. While I was looking at the finished collage, I could not help but think of where all the time had gone.

Caled continues to be a happy, healthy and loving child, I can't even call him a baby anymore as he's no longer a baby.

We love you Caled, so much.

Changes....

2010-11-03T17:02:00.000+08:00

I used to be a workaholic - used to be. I normally stay in the office for an average of 14 to 16 hours, daily. Sometimes, I'd even go to work during my restdays. That was before, its not the same now...

I just realized this yesterday when I was talking to my office colleague and we were talking about moving up the corporate ladder. I realized right there and then, I am OK - where I am. I am not even thinking of moving up anymore, if it happens, why not...if not, its not bad at all.

I am able to provide for Caled and I'm also able to spend more time with him - as I've said, I'm OK where I am.

For my friends who I've worked with for the past few years, I'm sure you would be surprised to know that I do not spend more than 8 hours in the office now :) There's someone I would rather be with at home - Caled.

I enjoyed being a workaholic for some time. I loved being a daughter until I became a sister...right now, no other role would be better than me being a mother.

Lessons from Caled

2010-10-18T10:59:00.007+08:00

This is Caled, he will be 17 months old tomorrow. I, on the other hand am 35 years old. Believe it or not, I am learning a lot of things from my toddler. I guess it's not really true that mother's knows best...well, not most of the time.

I learned how to be more loving through my son...Caled has a way of smiling. When he looks at me and smiles, that's when I see true love, joy and acceptance. It makes me feel so good even during the most stressful days.

We love you Caled, thank you for teaching us how to give unconditional love, thank you for making us happy and thank you for being the good boy that you are.

Mommy, where do you really stand?

2010-08-23T09:55:00.003+08:00

As far as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a mother. At a very young age, I would play with my dolls and be their Mommy - I'd feed them, cook for them, dress them up, take them to school and help them with their assignments. I would say that my first ambition in life would be that of being a Mommy.

When I first learned that I was pregnant, I was ecstatic! For some time, I have been called Mommy Cathy by a lot of my close friends. It follows because I have been known to give unsolicited advise and also, I like looking after my friends. A friend described me as a natural nurturer, one said I was selfless - I could go through it one by one but you might say I'm lifting my own chair.

Well, what I did not expect would be the transition, the change from being Cathy to being the Mommy of Caled. I am still the same person but I am also very different...When I did not have Caled, I have friends I would go out to dinner with, friends I would have coffee with, friends I would have a few (or a lot) of drinks with...you get my drift. When Caled came to my life, those friends are still there but somehow, things have changed...well, I have changed.

All of a sudden, the center of my universe became this little boy. I would often joke that I have a new boss, in a way, I do. Everything that I do, I plan, it has Caled right in the center. Before, it used to be my brother and my sister, now...they take a back seat and Caled took priority. They understand, they are also smitten with the little boy.

There would be times when invitations would come - dinner, drinks, coffee. Some days I'd go but most days, I'd rather stay in and be with the little man. Somehow, it feels like time would go by fast and in a blink of an eye, I would not have the quiet moments that I have with Caled. When he starts going to school, I'm sure the 'don't kiss me in public, Mommy' rule would apply - so, right now, I get all the kisses and the hugs I can get.

There is a little bit of envy, a little bit of hurt also when I don't get asked to go with friends on certain night outs...maybe some of them know that I would just decline the invitiation, understanding that I would rather be with my son. The feeling of envy and hurt would be fleeting, it does not last long. There's also the reason that when I go out with them, I would not have the same interest anymore...I just go on raving about the latest Caled tricks and it's not really a very good conversation piece over drinks :)

So, the question is....where do I stand right now? Well, just for now, for a little while longer...I stand by my little man. I know there would come a time when he would have his own thing - his group of friends. I would like to be able to stay on until he find those friends...after which, I'll lay low...be Mommy and just observe.

When that time comes - calling out to all my friends...I would really NEED you that time. I'm sure I would be the one to have separation anxiety...not Caled. Me (sigh).

Caled, here are a few words to live by...

2010-08-20T10:18:00.000+08:00

Respect: The golden rule is correct in every way...we need to treat people the way we would like to be treated. There are times when we are not treated right, it may have happened in the past, it may still be happening or it may happen in the future but not being treated right does not give us any excuse to treat other people in a bad manner. It takes more courage to actually turn the other cheek, to turn a deaf ear to bad things that are being said about you. At the end of the day, you are not answerable to these people, it would be between you and GOD. Respect is not freely given, it is earned. Respect is not synonymous to fear....Respect is when people follow you because they like to and not because they have to.

Think: A lot of things are done wrongly because a lot of people would not take the time to think before they act. Most of the time, actions happen as a reaction to certain events. If only we would take a few seconds to actually think, we would very well arrive at decisions that would benefit more. This can be attributed to simple things, before you even do anything, THINK...how would you feel if you were put into that particular situation, how would you react? Bear in mind that not all men are created equal, there are those who are superior...those who would pause, think and then do action.

Trust: I said respect is not freely given...but trust is. It makes a big difference once someone feels that you trust them. A very simple example, if you have two people assigned to do two similar tasks - one, you've given support and trust, the other you doubt to fail....chances are, the one you've given support and trust would be able to do the task better. He may even exceed your expectations. On the other hand, the one you've doubted would have difficulty in accomplishing the task, simply because he knows that he is expected to fail...this would mean whatever it is that he would do, he would still fail, after all...he is expected to fail.

Laugh: What is life without laughter. I think the main point of us Filipinos being resilient lies in our capacity to laugh. The capacity to find humor in everything. This does not mean that we should find everything funny, it just means that sometimes, it does help for us not to take ourselves too seriously. Sometimes, during those light moments...that is when you actually find great ideas, its when you actually realize that yes...life is worth living and not everything is quite as dire as how you envision it to be. Do yourself a favor, laugh...and laugh with conviction!

Love: Everything, all of what we need to accomplish, everything we need to do, we are able to do because of this one simple word. It makes us say we can do it, even when we are at the end of our rope....it gives us that added push when we know we have given all. Everything and anything can be done when you put love in it.

New Hair :)

2010-07-15T15:00:00.004+08:00

Caled has gone through two haircuts already, going bald would be the latest :) It doesn't really matter what hairstyle he has...he is still sooooooo handsome. Yep, I am one proud Momma!

Better me than Caled....

2010-07-07T11:15:00.004+08:00

Caled and I are sick. Well, right now, I am still sick and he's getting better. He got a cold last Saturday night and by Sunday morning, I got it too. It's really very difficult to have a toddler get sick and also, he's teething!

In times like these, I would always think, well, it's better me than Caled. It's better that I'm the one who has the cold than him. With me, I know how I can blow my nose and take medicine at the right time. Caled, we need to aspirate his nose and have him take his medicine even when he's asleep. Here he is, in dreamland and here comes Mommy waking him up to shove medicine down his throat (ok, that's an exaggeration, we use a medicine dropper and the medicine is yummy, I tried it).

Caled is a strong little toddler, he's also a very good boy (yes, I mention it quite often). When he's sick he is usually more sweet, he loves to be held and he would always, always insist on sleeping beside me in the bed. When he does, he makes sure that he is always touching me. He still smiles a lot and goes through his usual routine - this is the reason why I love my little man so much.

He's teething too, so he would normally throw up every now and then...threw up on the floor, his Nanny and me...all part of the teething process. I know, I read on it and also, Caled is not losing appetite, he's still his usual "I love my soup, veggies and milk" kind of toddler...

Today, as usual, he woke up with a smile and started blabbing...I had to take a day off from work as I was feeling so awful last night but waking up to that usual Baby Babble - it made me feel much, much better....

A-chooo! Sorry, excuse me...let me just get a tissue.

How to Keep a Positive Attitude and Stay Positive Around Negative People

2010-06-02T17:33:00.003+08:00

This is a good read...got it from a friend :)

How to Keep a Positive Attitude and Stay Positive Around Negative People by Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You think of yourself as a basically happy person. You try to make an effort to stay positive. But the people you work with are so negative. Or, the people in your family are so negative. Now what? Try some of the following tips for staying positive even when surrounded by people who have a negative outlook on life. Some of these tips are ideas for reducing the negativity while other tips help you to calmly accept your circumstances. The suggestions include both concrete actions you can take, and ways you can change your attitude to accommodate your environment.

1. PRAY. One thing that we should never underestimate. This definitely goes on top of the list.

2. Assume the best about the intentions of those around you. Unless you have facts to prove otherwise, assume that the negative talk is simply the bad habit of complaining.

3. Don't take it personally. Even when negative talk is directed toward you, don't take it personally. Negativity is basically selfishness, and their selfishness is about them, not about you. Yes, this is very difficult to put into practice. When you are the target of the other person's complaints, and especially their sarcasm, it is very hard not to take it personally. Try, however, to remain objective and assess whether their is any rational basis for the criticism.

4. Have compassion for negative people. While it is unpleasant to be around negative people, it is far more unpleasant to be an negative person. Each of these people is highly troubled. They perceive themselves as victims of hostile life forces beyond their control. They feel helpless and afraid. The most belligerent of them are the most fearful, paranoid actually, despite their outward bluster.

5. If it is compatible with your belief systems, hold a White Light of peace around each person who troubles you, or say a silent prayer for them. Perhaps light a candle for their spirit. Intend that they find their own happiness. Do this as an act of compassion and generosity, and not as an attempt to alter their behavior for your own benefit.

6. Forgive them. Forgive them for everything they have ever done that has been difficult for you. Then forgive them again and again for each new bit of gossip, sarcasm, or anger.

7. Have gratitude for what is positive. No person or situation is 100% negative. Have gratitude for everything that is positive. Make a list of everything that is positive about the person or situation. Keep writing until you have compiled a meaningful list. Then give thanks for all that is positive.

8. Consider how you can cheer up the negative person. Can you compliment a co-worker on a task well done? Even give them a note of appreciation or a gold star? Inquire about their family? Be supportive of their troubles without either agreeing or offering suggestions? However, if your attempts to befriend someone create more hostility, Stop. You tried, and there is no point in doing anything to annoy them further.

9. If all your attempts to create an uplifting connection with the negative person fail, establish your own boundaries and create your own happiness within your own personal space. Visualize yourself encased in an invisible protective "egg" that surrounds your body and enhances the positive while keeping the negative elements out. Create your own private world of joy.

10. Balance the negative aspects of your life with more powerful positive aspects. If your job is filled with negative influences, it is all the more important that your family life be positive. If your extended family is negative, it is crucial that your intimate relationship be positive. If your relationship with your spouse is negative, seek to have every other influence in your life be exceedingly positive. Seek out new positive opportunities. Cultivate friends with positive attitudes. Join groups that are populated by very positive people.

Am I Ready for This?

2010-05-23T12:05:00.004+08:00

I now have a toddler...Caled turned one year old last May 19 - Am I ready for this??

Its surprising how fast he has grown, the night before his birthday, I was reminiscing the first time I got to know I was going to have Caled, the first time I felt his movement inside my tummy - it was like the flutter of butterfly wings! Now, I can't believe I have this bubbly, healthy, strong and handsome boy :)

I know I have a lot of reading to do, consultation with friends who are mothers as well...but I also know that each experience would be different as no two children would be the same.

Everyday, I pray for God to guide me and give me the wisdom to be able to raise Caled as a good son. A son who would please Him.

Work vs. Family

2010-05-06T16:31:00.004+08:00

OK, this may not be a new topic...for all the working mothers out there, for sure you've gone through this, you're going through this and for those who are pregnant...you'll go through this.

I am a working mom. I have been working for the past 16 years. There have been changes from howI was when I started working to how I am now...there are a lot of changes as to how I was working when I did not have Caled and to how I'm working now that I have him.

The good points, I now work with more purpose...its not a matter of getting my salary and going out to fulfill my need for shoes, now, its more of working because I need to save and put aside money for the little one's future. I learned how to save and now, Caled and I both have our own accounts and I make it a point that I deposit the same amount of money in each of the accounts every payday.

I also learned to be more patient - super patient. Its not a matter of "I can easily look for another job if I want to" - nope, I now am more into staying in a particular job longer because I need to focus on making sure everything is stable for Caled and my siblings.

I learned how to balance my time, I don't spend more than 10 hours in the office - yes, me, the one who used to have an average of 14 to 16 hours of work on a daily basis. At the end of the day, all I can think of would be the welcoming smile that Caled normally gives me when he sees me arrive home from work.

Now, the bad points - I would sometimes work from home and last Sunday, while I was on the phone with someone in the office, my Caled woke up and gave a scream...he is so used to sleeping beside me every weekend and he's used to smelling me beside him when he rolls towards me, I guess he felt that I was not there beside him and he just screamed and cried for almost 30 minutes. He only stopped when he opened his eyes and felt me carrying him and singing to him...its was heartbreaking! The only time I felt guilty that I'm working hard.

I guess it would always be a struggle and eventually, Caled would start talking and he would learn to ask me why I'm not home most of the time. Right now, he would always get me to carry him whenever he would see that I'm getting ready to go to work...he doesn't cry but he looks at me with those button eyes and I feel like I don't want to go to work anymore...

The joys and hardships of being a working mom....I still have a long way to go....

First Hurt...

2010-04-11T09:44:00.006+08:00

I never thought I would get to experience the type of fear and worry that I've gone through last Friday. I was getting ready for work and Led suddenly leaned forward and had a minor accident. OK, for the granma's and granpa's and tito's and tita's reading this...don't panic and do not go berserk - Caled is OK. I am just writing this to let my emotions out.

I guess it really is nerve wracking when you see your child get hurt, no matter how minor it is - if it's the first time, it is so heartbreaking - I was literally having difficulty breathing when it happened.

Caled leaned forward and lost his balance and hit his lip in the floor, it die not get swollen but it bled a bit. Of course the little tyke was screaming his head off. I was holding him and I felt like crying and screaming as well - I did not. I asked for his Nanny to get some ice and talked to him in soothing tones so that he would stop crying. He did - have I ever told you how much of a good boy he is?

Caled proceeded to go through his usual before bedtime ritual, he did not throw up and he did not get dizzy, a sure indication that he did not hit his head. I then, proceeded to go to work. On my way to work, all of these ugly, ugly thoughts came to my head. All the bad 'what ifs?' I even called my cousin who's a doctor and also sent a message to my brother to check on Caled once he gets home. I contacted our HR office to ask for my health card account number so that I can take Caled for a check up. I also left the office early just to make sure that Caled is fine. I was not able to breathe normally not until I got home and saw that he really is OK - sleeping in his usual "I own this bed" manner.

When I was pregnant with Caled, I said...I will be a logical Mommy and would not over-react over the littlest things. I would normally read and go through different things in the web just to make sure that I am well informed and I would not panic over petty things. But seeing that little amount of blood in Caled's lips last Friday? That made all of the readiness fly away...I was just the usual Mom who would not want to see her baby hurt.

My officemates were telling me, its normal. OK, it may be normal but would it be possible for me to be very, very, very careful so that it won't? Maybe, in the future, there would be times when he would definitely get hurt - it would be in a different manner. The kind of hurt that I would not be able to avoid or to shield him from....that is more scary. But, from what I have always promised myself previously, I would only be able to guide him and watch him become the man that he would be and I really, really hope I would be able to guide him well. In the end, I hope and pray that I would be a good Mom in the sense that I would have him fight his battles and cheer him on, I pray that I will not be overpowering and I won't be demanding....and please, please, please....Lord, do not let me live my son's life for him...if I start doing that, someone, anyone who's reading this message - give me a good whack in the head.

He can Crawl!

2010-03-25T15:32:00.003+08:00

Caled turned 10 months last March 19 and the same day, he learned to crawl...am I ever the proud Mommy!

If I Could....

2010-03-25T15:23:00.003+08:00

Funny how you listen to some songs that did not mean anything in the past and all of a sudden, you hear the song again and now, it holds a different meaning....motherhood....I love it!

If I Could (Celine Dion)
If I could I'd protect you from the sadness in your eyes. Give you courage in a world of compromise yes, I would. If I could I would teach you all the things I've never learned and I'd help you cross the bridges that I've burned yes, I would if I could. I would try to shield your innocence from time but the part of life I gave you isn't mine. I've watched you grow, so I could let you go. If I could I would help you make it through the hungry years but I know that I could never cry your tears but I would if I could yes, if I live in a time and place where you don't want to be you don't have to walk along this road with me. My yesterday won't have to be your way if I knew I would try to change the world I brought you to and there isn't very much that I could do but I would if I could, oh baby I just want to protect you and help my baby through the hungry years 'cause you're part of me and if you ever ever ever need I said a shoulder to cry on or just someone to talk to I'll be there, I'll be there I didn't change your world but I would if I could

Mommy Weekend....

2010-03-07T10:46:00.004+08:00

Weekends! I love weekends....

My weekends have changed a lot since I became a Mommy. The old me would normally be at a nearby watering hole on a Saturday morning. Consuming buckets and buckets of beer along with other officemates. This would be what I call "de-stressing". After which, I would go home and spend the rest of my day sleeping, not unless I would have friends who would plan something for the evening.

That was then....now, I am more satisfied staying at home and spending time with my Bachuchuy. There's that certain excitement after work to go home. I could not wait to go home! Reason being, everytime I get off the cab and see my little one all of the stress that I have had in the office - it would all disappear. Caled has this welcoming smile and he would always reach out asking to be held the minute I get home.

Weekend, I would just normally spend time playing with Caled when he wakes up. Give him his milk, give him his bath and watching cartoons with him. I would sometimes have a weekend massage but I would rather have it at home rather than go to any spa. Home became, well, HOME.

I really love, love, love these quiet times at home with Caled...yep, I really think I have become a Mommy and I don't think I would have it any other way :)

Time Flies...

2010-03-03T11:31:00.005+08:00

Caled is nine months already....he's growing so fast! It seems like he always has a new trick whenever I would come home from work.

Nowadays, he's into biting me and his Nanny and his Tita Honeylet and Tatay Ryann, that's because he's already teething, he already has four teeth :)

Led also loves to screams! He would be in the middle of mumbling words and then, all of a sudden he'll scream! The first time, I thought he was screaming because he was hurt but when I looked at him, he was flashing that adorable smile of his - plus he had that proud look in his face.

I really want to document everything that he's doing, make sure that I am able to write about it or capture photos of it but then, I'd rather be around him and spend those times with him - I can always store those moments in my memory and in my heart :)

Forever Worried, Forever Nervous, Forever Guilty....

2010-03-01T08:54:00.002+08:00

Lately, I find myself always nervous, worried and guilty - yes, its a lot of emotion to feel at once and believe me, its not easy to feel all of these emotions all at the same time but as I've said...lately, I've been feeling it.

I am a working mother to a beautiful eight month old boy. I thought when I went back to work, I would get used to the feeling of being apart from him, anyway, its just going to be for a few hours a day, I was mistaken. It seems that everytime I go to work, I could not help but be worried, nervous and guiltly...always.

I love working. I used to stay long hours in the office, ensuring that every task is done and every issue resolved prior to going home. Now, I make it a point that I finish everything I need to do within nine hours and after that, I would get my things and go home, all the while imagining my little boy's smiling face. He always greets me with a smile when I get home, the feeling I get whenever he does that is unbelievable!

To say that I am so smitten and so much in love with my little man would be an understatement. Looking at him, I fall deeply, truly and unconditionally in love, over and over again. To see him smile brings happy tears to my eyes and to hear him giggle - I feel I can take on anything.

The worry, nervousness and guilt, I feel it whenever I would leave home to go to work. I feel as if a part of my heart is torn and is left home. I guess it follows when you become a mother, you would always leave a part of your heart out, open, unprotected. You will get hurt, its already a given. You will get hurt everytime your child gets hurt, you would ache for every disappointment that he will encounter, you'd get mad with every person who would hurt him. In the end, you would only have to be there for him, to support him and to let him face his challenges. Hold his hand when he needs it and give him advice when he asks for it.

I just wish that Caled will become the man that he should be - God fearing, loving and kind. I could only do my best and be here for him. I love you Caled, with all of my heart.

A Promise to Caled

2009-08-27T15:08:00.004+08:00

Caled, my son....I promise...

that I will try my best to give you everything that you need, but not everything that you want.
that I will be beside you through the trials that come your way but I will not decide for you nor tell you what to do...
I would just give you my support and would let you take the steps that you need to overcome the different obstacles that you would encounter.
I will be beside you when you fall and would encourage you to pick yourself up and move on.
I will love you unconditionally, take care of you the best way I know how, share your happiness and tears.
I will let you enjoy your childhood and watch you become the man that you're supposed to be.

Love,

Your mother

Milestone :)

2009-08-20T11:15:00.003+08:00

August 18, 2009
12:05PM

I put Caled down for his nap at 11:00AM. I normally place him on his tummy when he sleeps. At 12:05PM, he was already on his back, awake and smiling with pride :) Caled rolled over! Well, technically, it was the reverse of rolling over :)

Yey!

Change in Role

2009-08-20T11:11:00.001+08:00

I am a MOTHER - the most important role that I would ever have. I have dreamed of being a Mommy since I was a kid. I love playing with my dolls and would take care of them. Change their nappies, feed them, rock them to sleep. Of course back then, I thought everything is easy - after all, dolls would not cry non-stop. My precious Caled takes all of my time. I am in this role 24/7. I learned how to keep one ear open for him even if I am asleep.

I would browse the net for information - not on shoes or bags as I would normally do but for information on breastfeeding and sleeping patterns and tips on how to calm a screaming baby. There would be times when I feel as if I have done everything - changed his nappy, fed him, burped him, rocked him to sleep but still - the crying and the screaming won't stop and I would be at wits end, confused, frustrated, close to crying as well...yeah, it takes a little person to bring me close to tears almost everyday.

I love looking at him when he's asleep, especially if he's having a good dream which would make him giggle, sigh or smile...if I can only capture all of those moments on camera I would but I guess, storing it in my memory is good as well. It would be something that I can think of when I am stressed at work.

This morning, I bathed Caled. He normally goes to sleep after his bath. After I fed him, I was rocking him to sleep and was singing to him. He opened his eyes and looked at me for a few seconds reached for my thumb and smiled and suddenly, I was in tears. Not because of sadness or exhaustion but because I have never in my life felt that kind of LOVE - pure, trusting...true.

I am a MOTHER, a role that I embrace whole-heartedly. I am thankful everyday that I am blessed with this wonderful, precious little man.

What Am I Doing Wrong???

2009-08-14T11:22:00.002+08:00

When Caled was only a week old, he would always fidget and fuss when I'm holding him. When I would have my Sister hold him, he would immediately fall asleep, no fuss, no fidgeting.

I would keep thinking on what I was doing wrong. Is it the way that I hold him? Am I hurting him in any way? Is it that he doesn't like how I smell? What??!! And to add insult to injury, I have an Aunt who said that maybe Caled is more comfortable with my Sister and all my Son needs from me would be milk - OUCH! Major ouch! I mean, its really something that no Mommy would like to hear after all, isn't it that the Baby in question lived inside you for 40 freakin' weeks???

I continued with what I usually do with Caled. Feed him, sing him a lullaby, talk to him, read to him and eventually everything changed. He would be so familiar with me that now, he knows if I am in the room or if I'm the one holding him. He would still fuss and fidget when he hears my voice and apparently, this is normal for Babies. It gives you a gauge on how comfortable they are with you.

I read that Babies are more fussy when Mommies are around. This is because Babies know that with their Mommies, they can show their true colors and they will be accepted no matter what. I was surprised and amazed when I read that. I mean - isn't it the same with adults?

I am right now training the Nanny to take care of Caled. Caled is so even-tempered and sweet with her. Whenever she would feed him, I would make it a point that I am not in the room. Caled would normally play with his bottle if I am around. Even if the bottle contains breastmilk, he would still not take it because he knows that Mommy is around and he can get milk from me.

There would always be times when you know you've done everything and the Baby would still keep crying. There would be times when you are on the verge of screaming and crying as well but you have to lengthen your patience more. There would also be times when you would question your decision of having a Baby or even question your sanity. These are all normal, do not be guilty, we are after all only human.

It all boils down to you knowing your Baby. You would know what's best for your Baby and your Baby would help you as well. He would give you signs on what he wants and eventually, you would be able to be so familiar with the signs that you would know what he wants before he can cry his lungs out. Also, you would be able to know what he wants just by the way he cries - believe me....

The most important thing would be to spend time with your Baby. For working Mommies like me, maximize your maternity leave to make sure that you are spending every minute with your little one. I have been told not to carry Caled so much because he will get used to being carried all the time and I would not be able to accomplish anything else. Babies love to be held, I normally hold Caled as much as I can and I still have time to do other things. Of course, initally it's going to be hard, I remember not even having enough time to have a long shower because Caled would always cry but right now, it's different. He knows when to go to sleep and he knows that I would only hold him during daytime and night time would be for sleep. We've developled a routine and Caled got so familiar with it that when naptime comes, it would only take me a few minutes to put him to sleep.

We are still working on the bedtime at night though and it gets a little better day by day. I would not say that it will stay like this since Babies change their sleep patterns too but I will take my cues from Caled and we'll work on it together.

Fact or Fiction - advise from "well-meaning" relatives and friends

2009-08-13T11:43:00.004+08:00

In the previous post, I mentioned being sorrounded by "well-meaning" relatives, there's nothing wrong with getting advise and receiving advise but it would really be up to us Mommies if we would follow them or believe them. We are always sorrounded by "well-meaning" friends and relatives. People who have gone through the path that we are going through. Keep in mind though, not all situations are the same. not all babies are the same, not all Mommies are the same. I have been given a LOT of advise, at first, I would listen and think about it - after all, these are people who have children of their own, some of those children are now grown ups and they look OK to me - I mean, no one has any brain damage or any some sort of abnormality, maybe there is some truth to the advise that I am getting. Then, I began thinking about it...really thought about it and also, I began reading. Yep, read a lot of books as well as googled a lot of information and the best thing that I've done, I reached out to other Mommies. Mommies who are in the same generation as I am. Did I not mention that I was getting advise from 'older' Moms? Yeah, I was being given advise by much 'older' Moms - relatives from our province to be exact - get what I mean?

I will try to enumerate the number of advise I've been given, you be the judge (I'll try my best to write this in English, if I can't, well, you just have to deal with it):

Do not feed the Baby during dusk, the Baby will have gas - OK, I admit, I followed this the first week but I stopped when there was a time when Caled was really hungry. I had to feed him because he would not stop crying and there I was being told not to feed him until the sun has totally set! That would take minutes! To hell with it - I fed Caled, burped him and he slept with a smile on his face after that. Babies will have gas once in a while, its because of the manner in which they are fed. Normally if Babies are bottle fed and are given formulas, there is a big chance that they would swallow air and would lead them into having gas. This is the reason why we need to burp Babies after they fed. Caled is breastfed and he doesn't have problems with having gas - not a lot. He's a good burper (is there such a word?). Also, if the Baby is crying a lot, you need to pacify them a bit before feeding them, they would have gas also if you feed them while they are screaming their lungs out. By the way, the same "well-meaning" relative saw me feeding Caled during dusk one time and she was giving me the look, so I gave her the glare - she stopped after that :)

Do not give the Baby a bath during Tuesday and Friday - don't ask me why, I was not given any reason also. Again, I followed the first few weeks (don't blame me, first time Mom, hello?), then I noticed that Caled was fussy and would have difficulty going to sleep on days when he did not have his bath. Reason? He feels uncomfortable and hot. I delivered him during the month of May - can you just imagine how hot it was everyday? So, same as item number one - I decided to bathe him everyday. Caled loves his baths and its one of our bonding sessions, he would normally have a big smile on his face whenever I would be taking to him while giving him his bath - HA!

Bedsheets, Pillowcases and all of the Baby Things should be WHITE - When I asked why, I was told its because Babies look better wearing all white. Caled has a lot of white clothes right now, this is because they were hand-me-downs from a cousin of mine. I also remember buying very nice and a bit pricey pajamas for that cousin and he was not able to wear it because it was not all white. Oh well, pity for him but great for Caled! Yey! Almost new jammies! The bedsheet and pillowcases part, I do that with my bed and my pillows. Reason being, it would be easier to spot if there are insects or ants crawling in the bed. So, I keep my bedsheets and pillowcases white or light colored. In Caled's crib, he has colored comforters but I keep a white blanket and would lay him there, again - the insect issue. We have an ant problem in the house, not the one that bites but hey, in this case, better to be safe than sorry.

Do not take the Baby out not until the Baby is Christened or Baptized - I really don't know why. If anyone out there knows please shed some light on this. Anyway, with Caled, we are able to take him out. We went to the mall, I even visited the office one time and I brought him. Now, if it's an issue of exposing the Baby to germs, here's the thing. Do you remember the trip from the hospital to your home? OK, when you took the Baby home, did you travel through an airtight tube that does not allow any germs at all? If you answered no, then that means, the Baby has been exposed to germs that day and newsflash - the Baby is also exposed to germs in the Hospital. Look at your Baby now, is he healthy? Is he happy? Caled is both healthy and happy and he has been exposed to germs since day one. Don't get me wrong, I still have the "put rubbing alcohol in your hands first before touching the Baby" policy but I do not go overboard and keep my Baby quarantined at home.

After you've delivered, you are not allowed to use the electric fan or the air-conditioner - Ahmm....again, I really don't know why. When I asked what they told me was that my body has gone through labor and my veins would be stressed so cold air would be bad for me. When I answered, smart mouth that I was that I was in the hospital for five days and I was in an air-conditioned room, they only gave me a blank look. I mean, I gave birth during the summer months and you expect me NOT to have any air at all? My veins may come out fine but I may not be, aside from feeling suffocated I would definitely end up sweating like crazy!

When you are feeding/breastfeeding your Baby, do not look at him as he will have a hard time adjusting to strangers - Are you laughing just about now? I was not laughing at that time, I was looking at them with my mouth slightly open (it's normally my "are you kidding me?!" expression). Babies get to know people by their sense of smell as well as their sense of feel. They get familiar with people around them based on how they are being held. Also, a newborn Baby would only be able to see maximum of about 14 inches. This is the distance from about breast level to your face. So, when Babies are being fed and held, they are not able to see anything but the face of the person holding them. This is also the reason whey the bond of a breastfed Baby and the Mommy seems stronger. When Babies are breastfed, they only focus on looking at their Mommies. There is nothing like it, when your Baby looks at you and nothing else, its like their whole world revolves around you and no one else. Treasured moments and when they grow up, they may not give you that look anymore because other things will happen to them and other people will come into their lives, so, I will stare at Caled when I feed him - thank you very much!

Put a piece of white thread in the Baby's forehead if he has the hiccups - This is very popular and again, I've done this. When Babies get the hiccups its because of the same reason adults get hiccups. So, the cure is the same. I mean, you don't see any adults around having threads in their heads now do you? I initially would put thread in Caled's forehead but I stopped. Now, whenever Caled would have the hiccups, I would give him water. The thread in the forehead thing has an explanation. See, one of the cures for hiccups would be to get startled. When we put a wet thread in the Baby's forehead, the coldness of the thread against the Baby's warm forehead would startle the Baby, so it cures the hiccups :) nothing works like water though.

Do not put anything near the Babies head when he sleeps, this will cause his eyes to tear up a lot - Initially, Babies will have dried tears always, sometimes it will even be bad and your Baby will not be able to open their eyes. This is normal and it does not have anything to do with whatever it is that is near the Baby's head. I used to have a cloth diaper beside Caled's pillow, I normally use it to put on my shoulders when I have to pick up Caled and when my "well-meaning" relatives saw the cloth diaper, they said it was the reason why Caled would always have dried tears in his eyes. The Baby's tear ducts would not be open initially. This is the reason for the dried tears, Babies will tear up and since the tear ducts are not yet developed or open it would result to dried up tears. I was taught by Caled's pediatrician on how to massage Caled's eye and it helped. Also, clean up the dried up tears with cotton and water and use a different cotton for each eye.

Use breastmilk in your Baby's face so that it will always be smooth - Again, I don't know why. But milk does have properties in them that helps in having good skin. I mean go to any beauty bar and you would see milk baths that would help you get baby smooth skin. But in this case, we are talking about BABIES! I mean, naturally, they have smooth skin. I did this before and since Caled would sleep in his stomach, he would sometimes rub his face in his blanket, this brought a few rashes in his cheeks - so I stopped with the breastmilk in the face routine. I now just wash Caled's face with water.

OK, there are still a lot more, maybe I will do a part two of this but right now, this is all I can remember. Again, each Baby would be different from one another, each Mommy would be different from one another as well. Bottomline, no one knows the best way to take care of your Baby but you. Me, I always take my cues from Caled and these past two months that I have been taking care of him, I have familiarized myself with what he wants and what he likes. If you are unsure about something, ask other Moms or go online. I have gone through a lot of websites for information also I ask the pediatrician. I have other Mommies that I ask as well, normally around the same generation as I am.

After the Main Event - PANIC!

2009-08-13T09:25:00.002+08:00

I stayed in the hospital for almost a week. Five days to be exact. I was admitted on a Monday and was discharged by Friday. I was supposed to be discharged by Thursday but my BP shot up while in the process of settling the hospital bills - go figure!

Anyway, being in the hospital was great. Even if I have to be woken up almost every hour for BP monitoring, I still get to rest. I wanted to ask to room in with Caled but since I had surgery and I was in a bit of pain, I decided not to but I made sure that I go to the nursery every time Caled needs to feed. I decided to breastfeed him from the start.

The day came when I had to go home. I did not have a Nanny at that time so the only one to take care of Caled would be me. It did not sink in yet so I was still relaxed (maybe its also the side effect of the pain killers I'm taking).

The time when it sank in would be that night. I was going to sleep with Caled beside me. The visitors and the well-wishers left already and I would be left alone with another individual who would be 100% dependent on me. Yikes!

OK, in my line of work, I am responsible for a lot of people but that's work. Nothing personal to it. I was looking at Caled at that time and I was thinking - this little person would be looking at me for help in EVERYTHING! He actually came from me, ME! And he doesn't even have any way of communicating with me but by crying and CRYING A LOT! Notice that everything ended with an exclamation point. It's because that was exactly how I was feeling at that time. Total panic (you have to give me a pat in the shoulder as nobody knew I was panicking - I was sooooo composed).

Caled was so tiny. Weighing 4.7lbs. I was scared I would fall asleep and would not hear him cry or I would hurt him when I carry him or when I change his nappies. My boyfriend was not much help, he was more of a basketcase than me (men!). There would be times when I would be afraid to go to sleep and I would keep staring at Caled to check if he was breathing.

Don't worry, I did not spiral into complete insanity. I had to bear down on my fear and try to do my best every minute. I wanted to start reading on certain things in the net but I could not have the time to even go online. I was always with Caled 100% of the time. I would only be able to eat when he's asleep (luckily when babies are newborn, they sleep a lot). I had "well-meaning" relatives around but this is really a story for another entry, but I would like to be the one to always be around Caled. See, for the first two months, I took care of him without much help. It's just now that I am starting to teach the Nanny to take care of him. It's a good thing as I am able to memorize his cries, or what he wants and I'm able to teach the Nanny that :)

I eventually lost most of my fear and what's left now would be the constant worry associated with being a Mommy. I guess that constant worry would not really be gone...it will stay as long as Caled is my son...yep, the worry will stay for a very, very, very long time.

The Main Event - The Delivery....

2009-08-12T14:09:00.006+08:00

I gave birth via C-Section. I was ready for a normal delivery but my body had other plans. I had a very good first and second trimester. No morning sickness, no cravings, no dizziness, no temper tantrums - everything was smooth...until the third trimester.

I had preeclampsia and gestational diabetes. My blood pressure would always be high and my Doctor would be concerned as even if my BP was reading high, I am not feeling anything. No dizziness, no headaches - na-da! During my prenatal check up on my 38th week of pregnancy, my BP was at 170/100 and I was still standing up and was feeling OK. My Doctor had me admitted right there and then, my poor boyfriend was left outside the labor room, given instructions to get a room and was handed my clothes, bag, shoes and last, my underwear (I was laughing so hard when he told me!)

Inside the labor room, I was being given magnesium shots. The Doctors said it is a precaution so that I will not have any convulsions. My BP was being monitored and I was hooked up to a machine that monitors the baby's heartbeat and mine as well. I was having induced labor as I needed to deliver right there and then. Initially, I thought I was being admitted so that my BP would be normalized and then I would be discharged. Imagine my surprise when they said I am set to deliver. I mean, hello? I just went there for a prenatal check up!

I was hooked up to an IV that has medicine to induce labor. What really bugs me is that I cannot go to the restroom. Instead I was given a catheter - argh! I started having contractions, I did not even know they were contractions as they were very mild. It feels as if my tummy was soooooo hard - apparently, they were contractions. The Doctor said I was only dilated 2cm and its still going to be a long time before I deliver. On this note, my Doctor went home with instructions that she be contacted if there's anything urgent. I went to sleep after that.

I woke up with the Nurses and Doctors around the monitor, apparently, my Baby's heartbeat went down and they had to stop the IV giving me medicine to induce labor. My OB was also in the labor room wearing her scrubs, and that part of my brain went "Uh-oh" again. My OB told me that they have to do a C Section as they cannot continue with induce labor and put the Baby at risk. I signed a few forms, was given a muscle relaxant and was wheeled to the Operating Room.

The clock inside the OR read 12:15 AM, the nurses started to prep me for the C Section and that was when I fell asleep. After a few hours in the labor room, four shots of magnesium in my butt cheeks (two on each cheek), IV drip, magnesium in the IV (it felt really hot and heavy - and not in a good way), internal examination, catheter, BP readings, blood sugar test - I was asleep. I woke up at 7:00AM felt my belly and tried to talk. The only sounds that came out of my mouth was - uuungghh (yeah, it does not make any sense). Basically, I was trying to ask if my Baby was OK. I was wheeled to my room where my sister and my boyfriend were waiting and I was informed that Caled is doing fine. He's only about 4.7lbs. but he's healthy and he had good APGAR scores :)

I was still groggy from the anesthezia and my IV had a bit of morphine in it (I think, 'coz I was not feeling any pain). I started texting everyone I know to announce the arrival of Caled. My friends would later on ask me how I was able to do it when it was only hours after I had an operation, I really don't know. Maybe it's the excitement that I am a Mother.

It may not be normaly delivery, I may not have gone through the pains of labor. What I went through would be different. After the delivery, while I was still in the hospital, I had to be woken up almost every hour to have my BP monitored. I had a total of eight shots of magnesium on top of the six initial shots since my BP would still read high at certain times. I had to be pricked and have blood sugar test three times a day to check if the sugar level in my blood is still high and I was placed on a diabetic diet (you call this food?!).

I bore down on the pain of the operation and forced myself to be up and walking the very next day. I saw my Baby the night of May 19 and everything that happened for the past few hours - forgotten. It was all worth it. The next day, when I went to the nursery to breastfeed Caled, I know that given a choice, I will go through all of it again.

Bottomline, for every Mom out there. Whether its normal delivery, C Section, fast labor, slow labor, painful labor that can lasts 24 hours or easy labor lasting only a few hours - it's all the same. It will all be worth it the minute you hold that miracle in your arms. The minute that little hand would grip your finger and the time your Baby looks as you and you know that somehow, this little one knows he is being held by Mommy :)

In the Beginning....

2009-08-12T11:00:00.003+08:00

Let me start by an introduction....

I am 34 years old, single but committed and a first time Mommy. I always wanted to be a Mommy for as long as I can remember. When I was a child, I would be playing with my dolls and what I love most would be when I play as their Mom and go through the motions of feeding, changing nappies, singing lullabies...etc.

I had my first serious boyfriend when I was 16 years old. I was in first year college then and was looking at the world through rose colored glasses. I knew then that I would be marrying that boyfriend of mine by the time I reach the age of 21 and then, by the age of 23, I will have my first child. Of course, like everything else in my life that I planned on, it did not happen. We broke off after four years and I went my way and he went his. I think he got married a year after we broke off and started a family of his own. Well, that's another story.

Years went by and I got busy with work. Became one hell of a workaholic. I became one of those career women who would work their butt off to be able to move up the corporate ladder. I guess I did fine as I was able to get into a very good post which allows me to earn enough to buy shoes and shoes and shoes! (OK, this is also, another story).

I became so busy with the routine of working that one day, I woke up and I am already 31 years old and I began hearing my biological clock going tick-tock, tick-tock and a part of my brain going "uh-oh!"

So, what am I to do? I mean, I do have a boyfriend and we discussed about having kids in passing, not really a serious discussion with talks of savings and educational plans, insurance plans, baby stuff, etc. I was not even really sure I wanted a baby at that time. I have been so caught up in living a single life working and buying all the shoes that I want that I forgot my initial dream of becoming a Mommy.

I planned. I sat down, collected my thoughts and planned. It's one of my strong points, planning - I thought, I can have a Baby. As far as I know there is nothing wrong with me, bonus would be the fun we would get out of trying to make a baby :) We tried...oh boy...did we try a lot! Haha!

At the start, there is so much excitement and every month, I would always hope that I would be pregnant. Month after month, the hope would be there...when I was about to give up...that's when I got my wish. I discovered I was pregnant on September of 2008. I gave birth May 19, 2009 to a beautiful, precious Baby Boy :)

Like all other new Mommies, I was not prepared for it. The first time I held Caled in my arms I was already thinking "Am I really ready for this? Can I do this?" Again, there was a part of my brain that was going "Uh-oh" - it was later that I realized, that part of my brain would always go "Uh-oh" no matter what.

Like all other new Mommies, I was able to go though the initial panic and I was able to do OK...well, allow me a little self-praise here...I did GREAT just like all other new Mommies.

This blog is my means of helping out other Mommies, an outlet for my emotions and it is also a way to reach out to other Mommies as well.

Happy Reading!