Am I Ready for This?

I now have a toddler...Caled turned one year old last May 19 - Am I ready for this??

Its surprising how fast he has grown, the night before his birthday, I was reminiscing the first time I got to know I was going to have Caled, the first time I felt his movement inside my tummy - it was like the flutter of butterfly wings! Now, I can't believe I have this bubbly, healthy, strong and handsome boy :)

I know I have a lot of reading to do, consultation with friends who are mothers as well...but I also know that each experience would be different as no two children would be the same.

Everyday, I pray for God to guide me and give me the wisdom to be able to raise Caled as a good son. A son who would please Him.

Work vs. Family

OK, this may not be a new topic...for all the working mothers out there, for sure you've gone through this, you're going through this and for those who are pregnant...you'll go through this.

I am a working mom. I have been working for the past 16 years. There have been changes from howI was when I started working to how I am now...there are a lot of changes as to how I was working when I did not have Caled and to how I'm working now that I have him.

The good points, I now work with more purpose...its not a matter of getting my salary and going out to fulfill my need for shoes, now, its more of working because I need to save and put aside money for the little one's future. I learned how to save and now, Caled and I both have our own accounts and I make it a point that I deposit the same amount of money in each of the accounts every payday.

I also learned to be more patient - super patient. Its not a matter of "I can easily look for another job if I want to" - nope, I now am more into staying in a particular job longer because I need to focus on making sure everything is stable for Caled and my siblings.

I learned how to balance my time, I don't spend more than 10 hours in the office - yes, me, the one who used to have an average of 14 to 16 hours of work on a daily basis. At the end of the day, all I can think of would be the welcoming smile that Caled normally gives me when he sees me arrive home from work.

Now, the bad points - I would sometimes work from home and last Sunday, while I was on the phone with someone in the office, my Caled woke up and gave a scream...he is so used to sleeping beside me every weekend and he's used to smelling me beside him when he rolls towards me, I guess he felt that I was not there beside him and he just screamed and cried for almost 30 minutes. He only stopped when he opened his eyes and felt me carrying him and singing to him...its was heartbreaking! The only time I felt guilty that I'm working hard.

I guess it would always be a struggle and eventually, Caled would start talking and he would learn to ask me why I'm not home most of the time. Right now, he would always get me to carry him whenever he would see that I'm getting ready to go to work...he doesn't cry but he looks at me with those button eyes and I feel like I don't want to go to work anymore...

The joys and hardships of being a working mom....I still have a long way to go....

First Hurt...

I never thought I would get to experience the type of fear and worry that I've gone through last Friday. I was getting ready for work and Led suddenly leaned forward and had a minor accident. OK, for the granma's and granpa's and tito's and tita's reading this...don't panic and do not go berserk - Caled is OK. I am just writing this to let my emotions out.

I guess it really is nerve wracking when you see your child get hurt, no matter how minor it is - if it's the first time, it is so heartbreaking - I was literally having difficulty breathing when it happened.

Caled leaned forward and lost his balance and hit his lip in the floor, it die not get swollen but it bled a bit. Of course the little tyke was screaming his head off. I was holding him and I felt like crying and screaming as well - I did not. I asked for his Nanny to get some ice and talked to him in soothing tones so that he would stop crying. He did - have I ever told you how much of a good boy he is?

Caled proceeded to go through his usual before bedtime ritual, he did not throw up and he did not get dizzy, a sure indication that he did not hit his head. I then, proceeded to go to work. On my way to work, all of these ugly, ugly thoughts came to my head. All the bad 'what ifs?' I even called my cousin who's a doctor and also sent a message to my brother to check on Caled once he gets home. I contacted our HR office to ask for my health card account number so that I can take Caled for a check up. I also left the office early just to make sure that Caled is fine. I was not able to breathe normally not until I got home and saw that he really is OK - sleeping in his usual "I own this bed" manner.

When I was pregnant with Caled, I said...I will be a logical Mommy and would not over-react over the littlest things. I would normally read and go through different things in the web just to make sure that I am well informed and I would not panic over petty things. But seeing that little amount of blood in Caled's lips last Friday? That made all of the readiness fly away...I was just the usual Mom who would not want to see her baby hurt.

My officemates were telling me, its normal. OK, it may be normal but would it be possible for me to be very, very, very careful so that it won't? Maybe, in the future, there would be times when he would definitely get hurt - it would be in a different manner. The kind of hurt that I would not be able to avoid or to shield him from....that is more scary. But, from what I have always promised myself previously, I would only be able to guide him and watch him become the man that he would be and I really, really hope I would be able to guide him well. In the end, I hope and pray that I would be a good Mom in the sense that I would have him fight his battles and cheer him on, I pray that I will not be overpowering and I won't be demanding....and please, please, please....Lord, do not let me live my son's life for him...if I start doing that, someone, anyone who's reading this message - give me a good whack in the head.

He can Crawl!

Caled turned 10 months last March 19 and the same day, he learned to crawl...am I ever the proud Mommy!

If I Could....

Funny how you listen to some songs that did not mean anything in the past and all of a sudden, you hear the song again and now, it holds a different meaning....motherhood....I love it!

If I Could (Celine Dion)
If I could I'd protect you from the sadness in your eyes. Give you courage in a world of compromise yes, I would. If I could I would teach you all the things I've never learned and I'd help you cross the bridges that I've burned yes, I would if I could. I would try to shield your innocence from time but the part of life I gave you isn't mine. I've watched you grow, so I could let you go. If I could I would help you make it through the hungry years but I know that I could never cry your tears but I would if I could yes, if I live in a time and place where you don't want to be you don't have to walk along this road with me. My yesterday won't have to be your way if I knew I would try to change the world I brought you to and there isn't very much that I could do but I would if I could, oh baby I just want to protect you and help my baby through the hungry years 'cause you're part of me and if you ever ever ever need I said a shoulder to cry on or just someone to talk to I'll be there, I'll be there I didn't change your world but I would if I could

Mommy Weekend....

Weekends! I love weekends....

My weekends have changed a lot since I became a Mommy. The old me would normally be at a nearby watering hole on a Saturday morning. Consuming buckets and buckets of beer along with other officemates. This would be what I call "de-stressing". After which, I would go home and spend the rest of my day sleeping, not unless I would have friends who would plan something for the evening.

That was then....now, I am more satisfied staying at home and spending time with my Bachuchuy. There's that certain excitement after work to go home. I could not wait to go home! Reason being, everytime I get off the cab and see my little one all of the stress that I have had in the office - it would all disappear. Caled has this welcoming smile and he would always reach out asking to be held the minute I get home.

Weekend, I would just normally spend time playing with Caled when he wakes up. Give him his milk, give him his bath and watching cartoons with him. I would sometimes have a weekend massage but I would rather have it at home rather than go to any spa. Home became, well, HOME.

I really love, love, love these quiet times at home with Caled...yep, I really think I have become a Mommy and I don't think I would have it any other way :)

Time Flies...

Caled is nine months already....he's growing so fast! It seems like he always has a new trick whenever I would come home from work.

Nowadays, he's into biting me and his Nanny and his Tita Honeylet and Tatay Ryann, that's because he's already teething, he already has four teeth :)

Led also loves to screams! He would be in the middle of mumbling words and then, all of a sudden he'll scream! The first time, I thought he was screaming because he was hurt but when I looked at him, he was flashing that adorable smile of his - plus he had that proud look in his face.

I really want to document everything that he's doing, make sure that I am able to write about it or capture photos of it but then, I'd rather be around him and spend those times with him - I can always store those moments in my memory and in my heart :)

Forever Worried, Forever Nervous, Forever Guilty....

Lately, I find myself always nervous, worried and guilty - yes, its a lot of emotion to feel at once and believe me, its not easy to feel all of these emotions all at the same time but as I've said...lately, I've been feeling it.

I am a working mother to a beautiful eight month old boy. I thought when I went back to work, I would get used to the feeling of being apart from him, anyway, its just going to be for a few hours a day, I was mistaken. It seems that everytime I go to work, I could not help but be worried, nervous and guiltly...always.

I love working. I used to stay long hours in the office, ensuring that every task is done and every issue resolved prior to going home. Now, I make it a point that I finish everything I need to do within nine hours and after that, I would get my things and go home, all the while imagining my little boy's smiling face. He always greets me with a smile when I get home, the feeling I get whenever he does that is unbelievable!

To say that I am so smitten and so much in love with my little man would be an understatement. Looking at him, I fall deeply, truly and unconditionally in love, over and over again. To see him smile brings happy tears to my eyes and to hear him giggle - I feel I can take on anything.

The worry, nervousness and guilt, I feel it whenever I would leave home to go to work. I feel as if a part of my heart is torn and is left home. I guess it follows when you become a mother, you would always leave a part of your heart out, open, unprotected. You will get hurt, its already a given. You will get hurt everytime your child gets hurt, you would ache for every disappointment that he will encounter, you'd get mad with every person who would hurt him. In the end, you would only have to be there for him, to support him and to let him face his challenges. Hold his hand when he needs it and give him advice when he asks for it.

I just wish that Caled will become the man that he should be - God fearing, loving and kind. I could only do my best and be here for him. I love you Caled, with all of my heart.

A Promise to Caled

Caled, my son....I promise...

that I will try my best to give you everything that you need, but not everything that you want.
that I will be beside you through the trials that come your way but I will not decide for you nor tell you what to do...
I would just give you my support and would let you take the steps that you need to overcome the different obstacles that you would encounter.
I will be beside you when you fall and would encourage you to pick yourself up and move on.
I will love you unconditionally, take care of you the best way I know how, share your happiness and tears.
I will let you enjoy your childhood and watch you become the man that you're supposed to be.

Love,

Your mother

Milestone :)

August 18, 2009
12:05PM

I put Caled down for his nap at 11:00AM. I normally place him on his tummy when he sleeps. At 12:05PM, he was already on his back, awake and smiling with pride :) Caled rolled over! Well, technically, it was the reverse of rolling over :)

Yey!

Change in Role

I am a MOTHER - the most important role that I would ever have. I have dreamed of being a Mommy since I was a kid. I love playing with my dolls and would take care of them. Change their nappies, feed them, rock them to sleep. Of course back then, I thought everything is easy - after all, dolls would not cry non-stop. My precious Caled takes all of my time. I am in this role 24/7. I learned how to keep one ear open for him even if I am asleep.

I would browse the net for information - not on shoes or bags as I would normally do but for information on breastfeeding and sleeping patterns and tips on how to calm a screaming baby. There would be times when I feel as if I have done everything - changed his nappy, fed him, burped him, rocked him to sleep but still - the crying and the screaming won't stop and I would be at wits end, confused, frustrated, close to crying as well...yeah, it takes a little person to bring me close to tears almost everyday.

I love looking at him when he's asleep, especially if he's having a good dream which would make him giggle, sigh or smile...if I can only capture all of those moments on camera I would but I guess, storing it in my memory is good as well. It would be something that I can think of when I am stressed at work.

This morning, I bathed Caled. He normally goes to sleep after his bath. After I fed him, I was rocking him to sleep and was singing to him. He opened his eyes and looked at me for a few seconds reached for my thumb and smiled and suddenly, I was in tears. Not because of sadness or exhaustion but because I have never in my life felt that kind of LOVE - pure, trusting...true.

I am a MOTHER, a role that I embrace whole-heartedly. I am thankful everyday that I am blessed with this wonderful, precious little man.

What Am I Doing Wrong???

When Caled was only a week old, he would always fidget and fuss when I'm holding him. When I would have my Sister hold him, he would immediately fall asleep, no fuss, no fidgeting.

I would keep thinking on what I was doing wrong. Is it the way that I hold him? Am I hurting him in any way? Is it that he doesn't like how I smell? What??!! And to add insult to injury, I have an Aunt who said that maybe Caled is more comfortable with my Sister and all my Son needs from me would be milk - OUCH! Major ouch! I mean, its really something that no Mommy would like to hear after all, isn't it that the Baby in question lived inside you for 40 freakin' weeks???

I continued with what I usually do with Caled. Feed him, sing him a lullaby, talk to him, read to him and eventually everything changed. He would be so familiar with me that now, he knows if I am in the room or if I'm the one holding him. He would still fuss and fidget when he hears my voice and apparently, this is normal for Babies. It gives you a gauge on how comfortable they are with you.

I read that Babies are more fussy when Mommies are around. This is because Babies know that with their Mommies, they can show their true colors and they will be accepted no matter what. I was surprised and amazed when I read that. I mean - isn't it the same with adults?

I am right now training the Nanny to take care of Caled. Caled is so even-tempered and sweet with her. Whenever she would feed him, I would make it a point that I am not in the room. Caled would normally play with his bottle if I am around. Even if the bottle contains breastmilk, he would still not take it because he knows that Mommy is around and he can get milk from me.

There would always be times when you know you've done everything and the Baby would still keep crying. There would be times when you are on the verge of screaming and crying as well but you have to lengthen your patience more. There would also be times when you would question your decision of having a Baby or even question your sanity. These are all normal, do not be guilty, we are after all only human.

It all boils down to you knowing your Baby. You would know what's best for your Baby and your Baby would help you as well. He would give you signs on what he wants and eventually, you would be able to be so familiar with the signs that you would know what he wants before he can cry his lungs out. Also, you would be able to know what he wants just by the way he cries - believe me....

The most important thing would be to spend time with your Baby. For working Mommies like me, maximize your maternity leave to make sure that you are spending every minute with your little one. I have been told not to carry Caled so much because he will get used to being carried all the time and I would not be able to accomplish anything else. Babies love to be held, I normally hold Caled as much as I can and I still have time to do other things. Of course, initally it's going to be hard, I remember not even having enough time to have a long shower because Caled would always cry but right now, it's different. He knows when to go to sleep and he knows that I would only hold him during daytime and night time would be for sleep. We've developled a routine and Caled got so familiar with it that when naptime comes, it would only take me a few minutes to put him to sleep.

We are still working on the bedtime at night though and it gets a little better day by day. I would not say that it will stay like this since Babies change their sleep patterns too but I will take my cues from Caled and we'll work on it together.

Fact or Fiction - advise from "well-meaning" relatives and friends

In the previous post, I mentioned being sorrounded by "well-meaning" relatives, there's nothing wrong with getting advise and receiving advise but it would really be up to us Mommies if we would follow them or believe them. We are always sorrounded by "well-meaning" friends and relatives. People who have gone through the path that we are going through. Keep in mind though, not all situations are the same. not all babies are the same, not all Mommies are the same. I have been given a LOT of advise, at first, I would listen and think about it - after all, these are people who have children of their own, some of those children are now grown ups and they look OK to me - I mean, no one has any brain damage or any some sort of abnormality, maybe there is some truth to the advise that I am getting. Then, I began thinking about it...really thought about it and also, I began reading. Yep, read a lot of books as well as googled a lot of information and the best thing that I've done, I reached out to other Mommies. Mommies who are in the same generation as I am. Did I not mention that I was getting advise from 'older' Moms? Yeah, I was being given advise by much 'older' Moms - relatives from our province to be exact - get what I mean?

I will try to enumerate the number of advise I've been given, you be the judge (I'll try my best to write this in English, if I can't, well, you just have to deal with it):

Do not feed the Baby during dusk, the Baby will have gas - OK, I admit, I followed this the first week but I stopped when there was a time when Caled was really hungry. I had to feed him because he would not stop crying and there I was being told not to feed him until the sun has totally set! That would take minutes! To hell with it - I fed Caled, burped him and he slept with a smile on his face after that. Babies will have gas once in a while, its because of the manner in which they are fed. Normally if Babies are bottle fed and are given formulas, there is a big chance that they would swallow air and would lead them into having gas. This is the reason why we need to burp Babies after they fed. Caled is breastfed and he doesn't have problems with having gas - not a lot. He's a good burper (is there such a word?). Also, if the Baby is crying a lot, you need to pacify them a bit before feeding them, they would have gas also if you feed them while they are screaming their lungs out. By the way, the same "well-meaning" relative saw me feeding Caled during dusk one time and she was giving me the look, so I gave her the glare - she stopped after that :)

Do not give the Baby a bath during Tuesday and Friday - don't ask me why, I was not given any reason also. Again, I followed the first few weeks (don't blame me, first time Mom, hello?), then I noticed that Caled was fussy and would have difficulty going to sleep on days when he did not have his bath. Reason? He feels uncomfortable and hot. I delivered him during the month of May - can you just imagine how hot it was everyday? So, same as item number one - I decided to bathe him everyday. Caled loves his baths and its one of our bonding sessions, he would normally have a big smile on his face whenever I would be taking to him while giving him his bath - HA!

Bedsheets, Pillowcases and all of the Baby Things should be WHITE - When I asked why, I was told its because Babies look better wearing all white. Caled has a lot of white clothes right now, this is because they were hand-me-downs from a cousin of mine. I also remember buying very nice and a bit pricey pajamas for that cousin and he was not able to wear it because it was not all white. Oh well, pity for him but great for Caled! Yey! Almost new jammies! The bedsheet and pillowcases part, I do that with my bed and my pillows. Reason being, it would be easier to spot if there are insects or ants crawling in the bed. So, I keep my bedsheets and pillowcases white or light colored. In Caled's crib, he has colored comforters but I keep a white blanket and would lay him there, again - the insect issue. We have an ant problem in the house, not the one that bites but hey, in this case, better to be safe than sorry.

Do not take the Baby out not until the Baby is Christened or Baptized - I really don't know why. If anyone out there knows please shed some light on this. Anyway, with Caled, we are able to take him out. We went to the mall, I even visited the office one time and I brought him. Now, if it's an issue of exposing the Baby to germs, here's the thing. Do you remember the trip from the hospital to your home? OK, when you took the Baby home, did you travel through an airtight tube that does not allow any germs at all? If you answered no, then that means, the Baby has been exposed to germs that day and newsflash - the Baby is also exposed to germs in the Hospital. Look at your Baby now, is he healthy? Is he happy? Caled is both healthy and happy and he has been exposed to germs since day one. Don't get me wrong, I still have the "put rubbing alcohol in your hands first before touching the Baby" policy but I do not go overboard and keep my Baby quarantined at home.

After you've delivered, you are not allowed to use the electric fan or the air-conditioner - Ahmm....again, I really don't know why. When I asked what they told me was that my body has gone through labor and my veins would be stressed so cold air would be bad for me. When I answered, smart mouth that I was that I was in the hospital for five days and I was in an air-conditioned room, they only gave me a blank look. I mean, I gave birth during the summer months and you expect me NOT to have any air at all? My veins may come out fine but I may not be, aside from feeling suffocated I would definitely end up sweating like crazy!

When you are feeding/breastfeeding your Baby, do not look at him as he will have a hard time adjusting to strangers - Are you laughing just about now? I was not laughing at that time, I was looking at them with my mouth slightly open (it's normally my "are you kidding me?!" expression). Babies get to know people by their sense of smell as well as their sense of feel. They get familiar with people around them based on how they are being held. Also, a newborn Baby would only be able to see maximum of about 14 inches. This is the distance from about breast level to your face. So, when Babies are being fed and held, they are not able to see anything but the face of the person holding them. This is also the reason whey the bond of a breastfed Baby and the Mommy seems stronger. When Babies are breastfed, they only focus on looking at their Mommies. There is nothing like it, when your Baby looks at you and nothing else, its like their whole world revolves around you and no one else. Treasured moments and when they grow up, they may not give you that look anymore because other things will happen to them and other people will come into their lives, so, I will stare at Caled when I feed him - thank you very much!

Put a piece of white thread in the Baby's forehead if he has the hiccups - This is very popular and again, I've done this. When Babies get the hiccups its because of the same reason adults get hiccups. So, the cure is the same. I mean, you don't see any adults around having threads in their heads now do you? I initially would put thread in Caled's forehead but I stopped. Now, whenever Caled would have the hiccups, I would give him water. The thread in the forehead thing has an explanation. See, one of the cures for hiccups would be to get startled. When we put a wet thread in the Baby's forehead, the coldness of the thread against the Baby's warm forehead would startle the Baby, so it cures the hiccups :) nothing works like water though.

Do not put anything near the Babies head when he sleeps, this will cause his eyes to tear up a lot - Initially, Babies will have dried tears always, sometimes it will even be bad and your Baby will not be able to open their eyes. This is normal and it does not have anything to do with whatever it is that is near the Baby's head. I used to have a cloth diaper beside Caled's pillow, I normally use it to put on my shoulders when I have to pick up Caled and when my "well-meaning" relatives saw the cloth diaper, they said it was the reason why Caled would always have dried tears in his eyes. The Baby's tear ducts would not be open initially. This is the reason for the dried tears, Babies will tear up and since the tear ducts are not yet developed or open it would result to dried up tears. I was taught by Caled's pediatrician on how to massage Caled's eye and it helped. Also, clean up the dried up tears with cotton and water and use a different cotton for each eye.

Use breastmilk in your Baby's face so that it will always be smooth - Again, I don't know why. But milk does have properties in them that helps in having good skin. I mean go to any beauty bar and you would see milk baths that would help you get baby smooth skin. But in this case, we are talking about BABIES! I mean, naturally, they have smooth skin. I did this before and since Caled would sleep in his stomach, he would sometimes rub his face in his blanket, this brought a few rashes in his cheeks - so I stopped with the breastmilk in the face routine. I now just wash Caled's face with water.

OK, there are still a lot more, maybe I will do a part two of this but right now, this is all I can remember. Again, each Baby would be different from one another, each Mommy would be different from one another as well. Bottomline, no one knows the best way to take care of your Baby but you. Me, I always take my cues from Caled and these past two months that I have been taking care of him, I have familiarized myself with what he wants and what he likes. If you are unsure about something, ask other Moms or go online. I have gone through a lot of websites for information also I ask the pediatrician. I have other Mommies that I ask as well, normally around the same generation as I am.

After the Main Event - PANIC!

I stayed in the hospital for almost a week. Five days to be exact. I was admitted on a Monday and was discharged by Friday. I was supposed to be discharged by Thursday but my BP shot up while in the process of settling the hospital bills - go figure!

Anyway, being in the hospital was great. Even if I have to be woken up almost every hour for BP monitoring, I still get to rest. I wanted to ask to room in with Caled but since I had surgery and I was in a bit of pain, I decided not to but I made sure that I go to the nursery every time Caled needs to feed. I decided to breastfeed him from the start.

The day came when I had to go home. I did not have a Nanny at that time so the only one to take care of Caled would be me. It did not sink in yet so I was still relaxed (maybe its also the side effect of the pain killers I'm taking).

The time when it sank in would be that night. I was going to sleep with Caled beside me. The visitors and the well-wishers left already and I would be left alone with another individual who would be 100% dependent on me. Yikes!

OK, in my line of work, I am responsible for a lot of people but that's work. Nothing personal to it. I was looking at Caled at that time and I was thinking - this little person would be looking at me for help in EVERYTHING! He actually came from me, ME! And he doesn't even have any way of communicating with me but by crying and CRYING A LOT! Notice that everything ended with an exclamation point. It's because that was exactly how I was feeling at that time. Total panic (you have to give me a pat in the shoulder as nobody knew I was panicking - I was sooooo composed).

Caled was so tiny. Weighing 4.7lbs. I was scared I would fall asleep and would not hear him cry or I would hurt him when I carry him or when I change his nappies. My boyfriend was not much help, he was more of a basketcase than me (men!). There would be times when I would be afraid to go to sleep and I would keep staring at Caled to check if he was breathing.

Don't worry, I did not spiral into complete insanity. I had to bear down on my fear and try to do my best every minute. I wanted to start reading on certain things in the net but I could not have the time to even go online. I was always with Caled 100% of the time. I would only be able to eat when he's asleep (luckily when babies are newborn, they sleep a lot). I had "well-meaning" relatives around but this is really a story for another entry, but I would like to be the one to always be around Caled. See, for the first two months, I took care of him without much help. It's just now that I am starting to teach the Nanny to take care of him. It's a good thing as I am able to memorize his cries, or what he wants and I'm able to teach the Nanny that :)

I eventually lost most of my fear and what's left now would be the constant worry associated with being a Mommy. I guess that constant worry would not really be gone...it will stay as long as Caled is my son...yep, the worry will stay for a very, very, very long time.

The Main Event - The Delivery....

I gave birth via C-Section. I was ready for a normal delivery but my body had other plans. I had a very good first and second trimester. No morning sickness, no cravings, no dizziness, no temper tantrums - everything was smooth...until the third trimester.

I had preeclampsia and gestational diabetes. My blood pressure would always be high and my Doctor would be concerned as even if my BP was reading high, I am not feeling anything. No dizziness, no headaches - na-da! During my prenatal check up on my 38th week of pregnancy, my BP was at 170/100 and I was still standing up and was feeling OK. My Doctor had me admitted right there and then, my poor boyfriend was left outside the labor room, given instructions to get a room and was handed my clothes, bag, shoes and last, my underwear (I was laughing so hard when he told me!)

Inside the labor room, I was being given magnesium shots. The Doctors said it is a precaution so that I will not have any convulsions. My BP was being monitored and I was hooked up to a machine that monitors the baby's heartbeat and mine as well. I was having induced labor as I needed to deliver right there and then. Initially, I thought I was being admitted so that my BP would be normalized and then I would be discharged. Imagine my surprise when they said I am set to deliver. I mean, hello? I just went there for a prenatal check up!

I was hooked up to an IV that has medicine to induce labor. What really bugs me is that I cannot go to the restroom. Instead I was given a catheter - argh! I started having contractions, I did not even know they were contractions as they were very mild. It feels as if my tummy was soooooo hard - apparently, they were contractions. The Doctor said I was only dilated 2cm and its still going to be a long time before I deliver. On this note, my Doctor went home with instructions that she be contacted if there's anything urgent. I went to sleep after that.

I woke up with the Nurses and Doctors around the monitor, apparently, my Baby's heartbeat went down and they had to stop the IV giving me medicine to induce labor. My OB was also in the labor room wearing her scrubs, and that part of my brain went "Uh-oh" again. My OB told me that they have to do a C Section as they cannot continue with induce labor and put the Baby at risk. I signed a few forms, was given a muscle relaxant and was wheeled to the Operating Room.

The clock inside the OR read 12:15 AM, the nurses started to prep me for the C Section and that was when I fell asleep. After a few hours in the labor room, four shots of magnesium in my butt cheeks (two on each cheek), IV drip, magnesium in the IV (it felt really hot and heavy - and not in a good way), internal examination, catheter, BP readings, blood sugar test - I was asleep. I woke up at 7:00AM felt my belly and tried to talk. The only sounds that came out of my mouth was - uuungghh (yeah, it does not make any sense). Basically, I was trying to ask if my Baby was OK. I was wheeled to my room where my sister and my boyfriend were waiting and I was informed that Caled is doing fine. He's only about 4.7lbs. but he's healthy and he had good APGAR scores :)

I was still groggy from the anesthezia and my IV had a bit of morphine in it (I think, 'coz I was not feeling any pain). I started texting everyone I know to announce the arrival of Caled. My friends would later on ask me how I was able to do it when it was only hours after I had an operation, I really don't know. Maybe it's the excitement that I am a Mother.

It may not be normaly delivery, I may not have gone through the pains of labor. What I went through would be different. After the delivery, while I was still in the hospital, I had to be woken up almost every hour to have my BP monitored. I had a total of eight shots of magnesium on top of the six initial shots since my BP would still read high at certain times. I had to be pricked and have blood sugar test three times a day to check if the sugar level in my blood is still high and I was placed on a diabetic diet (you call this food?!).

I bore down on the pain of the operation and forced myself to be up and walking the very next day. I saw my Baby the night of May 19 and everything that happened for the past few hours - forgotten. It was all worth it. The next day, when I went to the nursery to breastfeed Caled, I know that given a choice, I will go through all of it again.

Bottomline, for every Mom out there. Whether its normal delivery, C Section, fast labor, slow labor, painful labor that can lasts 24 hours or easy labor lasting only a few hours - it's all the same. It will all be worth it the minute you hold that miracle in your arms. The minute that little hand would grip your finger and the time your Baby looks as you and you know that somehow, this little one knows he is being held by Mommy :)