Am I Ready for This?

I now have a toddler...Caled turned one year old last May 19 - Am I ready for this??

Its surprising how fast he has grown, the night before his birthday, I was reminiscing the first time I got to know I was going to have Caled, the first time I felt his movement inside my tummy - it was like the flutter of butterfly wings! Now, I can't believe I have this bubbly, healthy, strong and handsome boy :)

I know I have a lot of reading to do, consultation with friends who are mothers as well...but I also know that each experience would be different as no two children would be the same.

Everyday, I pray for God to guide me and give me the wisdom to be able to raise Caled as a good son. A son who would please Him.

Work vs. Family

OK, this may not be a new topic...for all the working mothers out there, for sure you've gone through this, you're going through this and for those who are pregnant...you'll go through this.

I am a working mom. I have been working for the past 16 years. There have been changes from howI was when I started working to how I am now...there are a lot of changes as to how I was working when I did not have Caled and to how I'm working now that I have him.

The good points, I now work with more purpose...its not a matter of getting my salary and going out to fulfill my need for shoes, now, its more of working because I need to save and put aside money for the little one's future. I learned how to save and now, Caled and I both have our own accounts and I make it a point that I deposit the same amount of money in each of the accounts every payday.

I also learned to be more patient - super patient. Its not a matter of "I can easily look for another job if I want to" - nope, I now am more into staying in a particular job longer because I need to focus on making sure everything is stable for Caled and my siblings.

I learned how to balance my time, I don't spend more than 10 hours in the office - yes, me, the one who used to have an average of 14 to 16 hours of work on a daily basis. At the end of the day, all I can think of would be the welcoming smile that Caled normally gives me when he sees me arrive home from work.

Now, the bad points - I would sometimes work from home and last Sunday, while I was on the phone with someone in the office, my Caled woke up and gave a scream...he is so used to sleeping beside me every weekend and he's used to smelling me beside him when he rolls towards me, I guess he felt that I was not there beside him and he just screamed and cried for almost 30 minutes. He only stopped when he opened his eyes and felt me carrying him and singing to him...its was heartbreaking! The only time I felt guilty that I'm working hard.

I guess it would always be a struggle and eventually, Caled would start talking and he would learn to ask me why I'm not home most of the time. Right now, he would always get me to carry him whenever he would see that I'm getting ready to go to work...he doesn't cry but he looks at me with those button eyes and I feel like I don't want to go to work anymore...

The joys and hardships of being a working mom....I still have a long way to go....