Being a Child Again...

Yesterday, I came home from work after having almost one hour travel time from the office to our house.  The travel time itself was really tiring and all I can think of during the time I was in the taxi cab is  a very big glass of cold water.  When I got home, I went to the bedroom and saw that Caled was taking his afternoon nap in his crib.  I slowly crept towards the crib to look at him and this is what I saw:

It was enough to melt all of my tiredness away and to make me forget about the cold glass of water.  I spent the next few minutes just staring at Caled and wondering about what he might be dreaming of or even if he was dreaming of anything...he looks so contended.  There would be instances when he would smile or his eyes would flutter but after that, he would go back to this particular look. 

Do you remember how it was like when you were a kid, no worries...no stress...this Holiday Season, it would be great to have a little bit of that kid inside of us, it will make us enjoy Christmas better.  Merry Christmas everyone :)

Following my Passion....

After almost 10 years in the BPO Industry, I have decided to go to a different path...I have decided to follow my passion.  This coming year will be a start of something that I have always wanted to do, I will still work as I would need to have a consistent income but aside from that, I will do something on the side.  This is something very challenging for me, I have butterflies in my stomach just by thinking about it but as I've said....with HIS grace and the support of family and friends...I know I will not fail.  

I will definitely share with you what it will be once we have it accomplished....2011 will be a great year...I can feel it.

Here's a clue....

As always, this is for my Caled :) my dear son, you have made me more brave, you have given me the extra drive to do something on my own...this is for you son...I love you so much.

Blessings....

This is my extended family...I said before how blessed I feel by having great people around me.  I would say now that Caled is doubly blessed by having the same people around him.  I would not have to worry of having help with regard to making sure Caled grows up to be a good person, I don't need to...he is surrounded by good people.

For this alone...I am ever thankful...

Enjoying Bedtime

For almost ten years, I have been working in the graveyard shift.  My normal day would start with me waking up at 5PM and being at work at 8PM or 9PM...that was normal for me.  Recently, I was given a different duty - I am now assigned for an account that runs in the morning shift.  Regular time for regular people - the change, surprisingly, is a welcome change.

I am now able to enjoy bedtime with Caled and be able to have him sleep beside me.  I would also be able to read to him regularly - before, there would be times when I need to pass up on reading to Caled as there are times when I'm needed in the office early due to meetings or conference calls. 

I guess after almost ten years...it is about time for me to join the normal world.

First Attempt at MovieMaker

I did not only make a collage for Caled, I tried out making a video too...this will be handy during birthday celebrations :)

I'm actually working on some other videos that I can do, yep...when I have spare time.

I love being a mom...

Caled Collage

I made a collage of my favorite Caled pictures from the time he was one week old to the time he's a year and a half. While I was looking at the finished collage, I could not help but think of where all the time had gone.

Caled continues to be a happy, healthy and loving child, I can't even call him a baby anymore as he's no longer a baby.

We love you Caled, so much.

Changes....

I used to be a workaholic - used to be. I normally stay in the office for an average of 14 to 16 hours, daily. Sometimes, I'd even go to work during my restdays. That was before, its not the same now...

I just realized this yesterday when I was talking to my office colleague and we were talking about moving up the corporate ladder. I realized right there and then, I am OK - where I am. I am not even thinking of moving up anymore, if it happens, why not...if not, its not bad at all.

I am able to provide for Caled and I'm also able to spend more time with him - as I've said, I'm OK where I am.

For my friends who I've worked with for the past few years, I'm sure you would be surprised to know that I do not spend more than 8 hours in the office now :) There's someone I would rather be with at home - Caled.

I enjoyed being a workaholic for some time. I loved being a daughter until I became a sister...right now, no other role would be better than me being a mother.

Lessons from Caled

This is Caled, he will be 17 months old tomorrow. I, on the other hand am 35 years old. Believe it or not, I am learning a lot of things from my toddler. I guess it's not really true that mother's knows best...well, not most of the time.

I learned how to be more loving through my son...Caled has a way of smiling. When he looks at me and smiles, that's when I see true love, joy and acceptance. It makes me feel so good even during the most stressful days.

We love you Caled, thank you for teaching us how to give unconditional love, thank you for making us happy and thank you for being the good boy that you are.

Mommy, where do you really stand?

As far as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a mother. At a very young age, I would play with my dolls and be their Mommy - I'd feed them, cook for them, dress them up, take them to school and help them with their assignments. I would say that my first ambition in life would be that of being a Mommy.

When I first learned that I was pregnant, I was ecstatic! For some time, I have been called Mommy Cathy by a lot of my close friends. It follows because I have been known to give unsolicited advise and also, I like looking after my friends. A friend described me as a natural nurturer, one said I was selfless - I could go through it one by one but you might say I'm lifting my own chair.

Well, what I did not expect would be the transition, the change from being Cathy to being the Mommy of Caled. I am still the same person but I am also very different...When I did not have Caled, I have friends I would go out to dinner with, friends I would have coffee with, friends I would have a few (or a lot) of drinks with...you get my drift. When Caled came to my life, those friends are still there but somehow, things have changed...well, I have changed.

All of a sudden, the center of my universe became this little boy. I would often joke that I have a new boss, in a way, I do. Everything that I do, I plan, it has Caled right in the center. Before, it used to be my brother and my sister, now...they take a back seat and Caled took priority. They understand, they are also smitten with the little boy.

There would be times when invitations would come - dinner, drinks, coffee. Some days I'd go but most days, I'd rather stay in and be with the little man. Somehow, it feels like time would go by fast and in a blink of an eye, I would not have the quiet moments that I have with Caled. When he starts going to school, I'm sure the 'don't kiss me in public, Mommy' rule would apply - so, right now, I get all the kisses and the hugs I can get.

There is a little bit of envy, a little bit of hurt also when I don't get asked to go with friends on certain night outs...maybe some of them know that I would just decline the invitiation, understanding that I would rather be with my son. The feeling of envy and hurt would be fleeting, it does not last long. There's also the reason that when I go out with them, I would not have the same interest anymore...I just go on raving about the latest Caled tricks and it's not really a very good conversation piece over drinks :)

So, the question is....where do I stand right now? Well, just for now, for a little while longer...I stand by my little man. I know there would come a time when he would have his own thing - his group of friends. I would like to be able to stay on until he find those friends...after which, I'll lay low...be Mommy and just observe.

When that time comes - calling out to all my friends...I would really NEED you that time. I'm sure I would be the one to have separation anxiety...not Caled. Me (sigh).

Caled, here are a few words to live by...

Respect: The golden rule is correct in every way...we need to treat people the way we would like to be treated. There are times when we are not treated right, it may have happened in the past, it may still be happening or it may happen in the future but not being treated right does not give us any excuse to treat other people in a bad manner. It takes more courage to actually turn the other cheek, to turn a deaf ear to bad things that are being said about you. At the end of the day, you are not answerable to these people, it would be between you and GOD. Respect is not freely given, it is earned. Respect is not synonymous to fear....Respect is when people follow you because they like to and not because they have to.

Think: A lot of things are done wrongly because a lot of people would not take the time to think before they act. Most of the time, actions happen as a reaction to certain events. If only we would take a few seconds to actually think, we would very well arrive at decisions that would benefit more. This can be attributed to simple things, before you even do anything, THINK...how would you feel if you were put into that particular situation, how would you react? Bear in mind that not all men are created equal, there are those who are superior...those who would pause, think and then do action.

Trust: I said respect is not freely given...but trust is. It makes a big difference once someone feels that you trust them. A very simple example, if you have two people assigned to do two similar tasks - one, you've given support and trust, the other you doubt to fail....chances are, the one you've given support and trust would be able to do the task better. He may even exceed your expectations. On the other hand, the one you've doubted would have difficulty in accomplishing the task, simply because he knows that he is expected to fail...this would mean whatever it is that he would do, he would still fail, after all...he is expected to fail.

Laugh: What is life without laughter. I think the main point of us Filipinos being resilient lies in our capacity to laugh. The capacity to find humor in everything. This does not mean that we should find everything funny, it just means that sometimes, it does help for us not to take ourselves too seriously. Sometimes, during those light moments...that is when you actually find great ideas, its when you actually realize that yes...life is worth living and not everything is quite as dire as how you envision it to be. Do yourself a favor, laugh...and laugh with conviction!

Love: Everything, all of what we need to accomplish, everything we need to do, we are able to do because of this one simple word. It makes us say we can do it, even when we are at the end of our rope....it gives us that added push when we know we have given all. Everything and anything can be done when you put love in it.

New Hair :)

Caled has gone through two haircuts already, going bald would be the latest :) It doesn't really matter what hairstyle he has...he is still sooooooo handsome. Yep, I am one proud Momma!

Better me than Caled....

Caled and I are sick. Well, right now, I am still sick and he's getting better. He got a cold last Saturday night and by Sunday morning, I got it too. It's really very difficult to have a toddler get sick and also, he's teething!

In times like these, I would always think, well, it's better me than Caled. It's better that I'm the one who has the cold than him. With me, I know how I can blow my nose and take medicine at the right time. Caled, we need to aspirate his nose and have him take his medicine even when he's asleep. Here he is, in dreamland and here comes Mommy waking him up to shove medicine down his throat (ok, that's an exaggeration, we use a medicine dropper and the medicine is yummy, I tried it).

Caled is a strong little toddler, he's also a very good boy (yes, I mention it quite often). When he's sick he is usually more sweet, he loves to be held and he would always, always insist on sleeping beside me in the bed. When he does, he makes sure that he is always touching me. He still smiles a lot and goes through his usual routine - this is the reason why I love my little man so much.

He's teething too, so he would normally throw up every now and then...threw up on the floor, his Nanny and me...all part of the teething process. I know, I read on it and also, Caled is not losing appetite, he's still his usual "I love my soup, veggies and milk" kind of toddler...

Today, as usual, he woke up with a smile and started blabbing...I had to take a day off from work as I was feeling so awful last night but waking up to that usual Baby Babble - it made me feel much, much better....

A-chooo! Sorry, excuse me...let me just get a tissue.

How to Keep a Positive Attitude and Stay Positive Around Negative People

This is a good read...got it from a friend :)

How to Keep a Positive Attitude and Stay Positive Around Negative People by Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You think of yourself as a basically happy person. You try to make an effort to stay positive. But the people you work with are so negative. Or, the people in your family are so negative. Now what? Try some of the following tips for staying positive even when surrounded by people who have a negative outlook on life. Some of these tips are ideas for reducing the negativity while other tips help you to calmly accept your circumstances. The suggestions include both concrete actions you can take, and ways you can change your attitude to accommodate your environment.

1. PRAY. One thing that we should never underestimate. This definitely goes on top of the list.

2. Assume the best about the intentions of those around you. Unless you have facts to prove otherwise, assume that the negative talk is simply the bad habit of complaining.

3. Don't take it personally. Even when negative talk is directed toward you, don't take it personally. Negativity is basically selfishness, and their selfishness is about them, not about you. Yes, this is very difficult to put into practice. When you are the target of the other person's complaints, and especially their sarcasm, it is very hard not to take it personally. Try, however, to remain objective and assess whether their is any rational basis for the criticism.

4. Have compassion for negative people. While it is unpleasant to be around negative people, it is far more unpleasant to be an negative person. Each of these people is highly troubled. They perceive themselves as victims of hostile life forces beyond their control. They feel helpless and afraid. The most belligerent of them are the most fearful, paranoid actually, despite their outward bluster.

5. If it is compatible with your belief systems, hold a White Light of peace around each person who troubles you, or say a silent prayer for them. Perhaps light a candle for their spirit. Intend that they find their own happiness. Do this as an act of compassion and generosity, and not as an attempt to alter their behavior for your own benefit.

6. Forgive them. Forgive them for everything they have ever done that has been difficult for you. Then forgive them again and again for each new bit of gossip, sarcasm, or anger.

7. Have gratitude for what is positive. No person or situation is 100% negative. Have gratitude for everything that is positive. Make a list of everything that is positive about the person or situation. Keep writing until you have compiled a meaningful list. Then give thanks for all that is positive.

8. Consider how you can cheer up the negative person. Can you compliment a co-worker on a task well done? Even give them a note of appreciation or a gold star? Inquire about their family? Be supportive of their troubles without either agreeing or offering suggestions? However, if your attempts to befriend someone create more hostility, Stop. You tried, and there is no point in doing anything to annoy them further.

9. If all your attempts to create an uplifting connection with the negative person fail, establish your own boundaries and create your own happiness within your own personal space. Visualize yourself encased in an invisible protective "egg" that surrounds your body and enhances the positive while keeping the negative elements out. Create your own private world of joy.

10. Balance the negative aspects of your life with more powerful positive aspects. If your job is filled with negative influences, it is all the more important that your family life be positive. If your extended family is negative, it is crucial that your intimate relationship be positive. If your relationship with your spouse is negative, seek to have every other influence in your life be exceedingly positive. Seek out new positive opportunities. Cultivate friends with positive attitudes. Join groups that are populated by very positive people.

Am I Ready for This?

I now have a toddler...Caled turned one year old last May 19 - Am I ready for this??

Its surprising how fast he has grown, the night before his birthday, I was reminiscing the first time I got to know I was going to have Caled, the first time I felt his movement inside my tummy - it was like the flutter of butterfly wings! Now, I can't believe I have this bubbly, healthy, strong and handsome boy :)

I know I have a lot of reading to do, consultation with friends who are mothers as well...but I also know that each experience would be different as no two children would be the same.

Everyday, I pray for God to guide me and give me the wisdom to be able to raise Caled as a good son. A son who would please Him.

Work vs. Family

OK, this may not be a new topic...for all the working mothers out there, for sure you've gone through this, you're going through this and for those who are pregnant...you'll go through this.

I am a working mom. I have been working for the past 16 years. There have been changes from howI was when I started working to how I am now...there are a lot of changes as to how I was working when I did not have Caled and to how I'm working now that I have him.

The good points, I now work with more purpose...its not a matter of getting my salary and going out to fulfill my need for shoes, now, its more of working because I need to save and put aside money for the little one's future. I learned how to save and now, Caled and I both have our own accounts and I make it a point that I deposit the same amount of money in each of the accounts every payday.

I also learned to be more patient - super patient. Its not a matter of "I can easily look for another job if I want to" - nope, I now am more into staying in a particular job longer because I need to focus on making sure everything is stable for Caled and my siblings.

I learned how to balance my time, I don't spend more than 10 hours in the office - yes, me, the one who used to have an average of 14 to 16 hours of work on a daily basis. At the end of the day, all I can think of would be the welcoming smile that Caled normally gives me when he sees me arrive home from work.

Now, the bad points - I would sometimes work from home and last Sunday, while I was on the phone with someone in the office, my Caled woke up and gave a scream...he is so used to sleeping beside me every weekend and he's used to smelling me beside him when he rolls towards me, I guess he felt that I was not there beside him and he just screamed and cried for almost 30 minutes. He only stopped when he opened his eyes and felt me carrying him and singing to him...its was heartbreaking! The only time I felt guilty that I'm working hard.

I guess it would always be a struggle and eventually, Caled would start talking and he would learn to ask me why I'm not home most of the time. Right now, he would always get me to carry him whenever he would see that I'm getting ready to go to work...he doesn't cry but he looks at me with those button eyes and I feel like I don't want to go to work anymore...

The joys and hardships of being a working mom....I still have a long way to go....