As far as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a mother. At a very young age, I would play with my dolls and be their Mommy - I'd feed them, cook for them, dress them up, take them to school and help them with their assignments. I would say that my first ambition in life would be that of being a Mommy.
When I first learned that I was pregnant, I was ecstatic! For some time, I have been called Mommy Cathy by a lot of my close friends. It follows because I have been known to give unsolicited advise and also, I like looking after my friends. A friend described me as a natural nurturer, one said I was selfless - I could go through it one by one but you might say I'm lifting my own chair.
Well, what I did not expect would be the transition, the change from being Cathy to being the Mommy of Caled. I am still the same person but I am also very different...When I did not have Caled, I have friends I would go out to dinner with, friends I would have coffee with, friends I would have a few (or a lot) of drinks with...you get my drift. When Caled came to my life, those friends are still there but somehow, things have changed...well, I have changed.
All of a sudden, the center of my universe became this little boy. I would often joke that I have a new boss, in a way, I do. Everything that I do, I plan, it has Caled right in the center. Before, it used to be my brother and my sister, now...they take a back seat and Caled took priority. They understand, they are also smitten with the little boy.
There would be times when invitations would come - dinner, drinks, coffee. Some days I'd go but most days, I'd rather stay in and be with the little man. Somehow, it feels like time would go by fast and in a blink of an eye, I would not have the quiet moments that I have with Caled. When he starts going to school, I'm sure the 'don't kiss me in public, Mommy' rule would apply - so, right now, I get all the kisses and the hugs I can get.
There is a little bit of envy, a little bit of hurt also when I don't get asked to go with friends on certain night outs...maybe some of them know that I would just decline the invitiation, understanding that I would rather be with my son. The feeling of envy and hurt would be fleeting, it does not last long. There's also the reason that when I go out with them, I would not have the same interest anymore...I just go on raving about the latest Caled tricks and it's not really a very good conversation piece over drinks :)
So, the question is....where do I stand right now? Well, just for now, for a little while longer...I stand by my little man. I know there would come a time when he would have his own thing - his group of friends. I would like to be able to stay on until he find those friends...after which, I'll lay low...be Mommy and just observe.
When that time comes - calling out to all my friends...I would really NEED you that time. I'm sure I would be the one to have separation anxiety...not Caled. Me (sigh).
No comments:
Post a Comment