He can Crawl!

Caled turned 10 months last March 19 and the same day, he learned to crawl...am I ever the proud Mommy!

If I Could....

Funny how you listen to some songs that did not mean anything in the past and all of a sudden, you hear the song again and now, it holds a different meaning....motherhood....I love it!

If I Could (Celine Dion)
If I could I'd protect you from the sadness in your eyes. Give you courage in a world of compromise yes, I would. If I could I would teach you all the things I've never learned and I'd help you cross the bridges that I've burned yes, I would if I could. I would try to shield your innocence from time but the part of life I gave you isn't mine. I've watched you grow, so I could let you go. If I could I would help you make it through the hungry years but I know that I could never cry your tears but I would if I could yes, if I live in a time and place where you don't want to be you don't have to walk along this road with me. My yesterday won't have to be your way if I knew I would try to change the world I brought you to and there isn't very much that I could do but I would if I could, oh baby I just want to protect you and help my baby through the hungry years 'cause you're part of me and if you ever ever ever need I said a shoulder to cry on or just someone to talk to I'll be there, I'll be there I didn't change your world but I would if I could

Mommy Weekend....

Weekends! I love weekends....

My weekends have changed a lot since I became a Mommy. The old me would normally be at a nearby watering hole on a Saturday morning. Consuming buckets and buckets of beer along with other officemates. This would be what I call "de-stressing". After which, I would go home and spend the rest of my day sleeping, not unless I would have friends who would plan something for the evening.

That was then....now, I am more satisfied staying at home and spending time with my Bachuchuy. There's that certain excitement after work to go home. I could not wait to go home! Reason being, everytime I get off the cab and see my little one all of the stress that I have had in the office - it would all disappear. Caled has this welcoming smile and he would always reach out asking to be held the minute I get home.

Weekend, I would just normally spend time playing with Caled when he wakes up. Give him his milk, give him his bath and watching cartoons with him. I would sometimes have a weekend massage but I would rather have it at home rather than go to any spa. Home became, well, HOME.

I really love, love, love these quiet times at home with Caled...yep, I really think I have become a Mommy and I don't think I would have it any other way :)

Time Flies...

Caled is nine months already....he's growing so fast! It seems like he always has a new trick whenever I would come home from work.

Nowadays, he's into biting me and his Nanny and his Tita Honeylet and Tatay Ryann, that's because he's already teething, he already has four teeth :)

Led also loves to screams! He would be in the middle of mumbling words and then, all of a sudden he'll scream! The first time, I thought he was screaming because he was hurt but when I looked at him, he was flashing that adorable smile of his - plus he had that proud look in his face.

I really want to document everything that he's doing, make sure that I am able to write about it or capture photos of it but then, I'd rather be around him and spend those times with him - I can always store those moments in my memory and in my heart :)

Forever Worried, Forever Nervous, Forever Guilty....

Lately, I find myself always nervous, worried and guilty - yes, its a lot of emotion to feel at once and believe me, its not easy to feel all of these emotions all at the same time but as I've said...lately, I've been feeling it.

I am a working mother to a beautiful eight month old boy. I thought when I went back to work, I would get used to the feeling of being apart from him, anyway, its just going to be for a few hours a day, I was mistaken. It seems that everytime I go to work, I could not help but be worried, nervous and guiltly...always.

I love working. I used to stay long hours in the office, ensuring that every task is done and every issue resolved prior to going home. Now, I make it a point that I finish everything I need to do within nine hours and after that, I would get my things and go home, all the while imagining my little boy's smiling face. He always greets me with a smile when I get home, the feeling I get whenever he does that is unbelievable!

To say that I am so smitten and so much in love with my little man would be an understatement. Looking at him, I fall deeply, truly and unconditionally in love, over and over again. To see him smile brings happy tears to my eyes and to hear him giggle - I feel I can take on anything.

The worry, nervousness and guilt, I feel it whenever I would leave home to go to work. I feel as if a part of my heart is torn and is left home. I guess it follows when you become a mother, you would always leave a part of your heart out, open, unprotected. You will get hurt, its already a given. You will get hurt everytime your child gets hurt, you would ache for every disappointment that he will encounter, you'd get mad with every person who would hurt him. In the end, you would only have to be there for him, to support him and to let him face his challenges. Hold his hand when he needs it and give him advice when he asks for it.

I just wish that Caled will become the man that he should be - God fearing, loving and kind. I could only do my best and be here for him. I love you Caled, with all of my heart.