New Hair :)

Caled has gone through two haircuts already, going bald would be the latest :) It doesn't really matter what hairstyle he has...he is still sooooooo handsome. Yep, I am one proud Momma!

Better me than Caled....

Caled and I are sick. Well, right now, I am still sick and he's getting better. He got a cold last Saturday night and by Sunday morning, I got it too. It's really very difficult to have a toddler get sick and also, he's teething!

In times like these, I would always think, well, it's better me than Caled. It's better that I'm the one who has the cold than him. With me, I know how I can blow my nose and take medicine at the right time. Caled, we need to aspirate his nose and have him take his medicine even when he's asleep. Here he is, in dreamland and here comes Mommy waking him up to shove medicine down his throat (ok, that's an exaggeration, we use a medicine dropper and the medicine is yummy, I tried it).

Caled is a strong little toddler, he's also a very good boy (yes, I mention it quite often). When he's sick he is usually more sweet, he loves to be held and he would always, always insist on sleeping beside me in the bed. When he does, he makes sure that he is always touching me. He still smiles a lot and goes through his usual routine - this is the reason why I love my little man so much.

He's teething too, so he would normally throw up every now and then...threw up on the floor, his Nanny and me...all part of the teething process. I know, I read on it and also, Caled is not losing appetite, he's still his usual "I love my soup, veggies and milk" kind of toddler...

Today, as usual, he woke up with a smile and started blabbing...I had to take a day off from work as I was feeling so awful last night but waking up to that usual Baby Babble - it made me feel much, much better....

A-chooo! Sorry, excuse me...let me just get a tissue.

How to Keep a Positive Attitude and Stay Positive Around Negative People

This is a good read...got it from a friend :)

How to Keep a Positive Attitude and Stay Positive Around Negative People by Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You think of yourself as a basically happy person. You try to make an effort to stay positive. But the people you work with are so negative. Or, the people in your family are so negative. Now what? Try some of the following tips for staying positive even when surrounded by people who have a negative outlook on life. Some of these tips are ideas for reducing the negativity while other tips help you to calmly accept your circumstances. The suggestions include both concrete actions you can take, and ways you can change your attitude to accommodate your environment.

1. PRAY. One thing that we should never underestimate. This definitely goes on top of the list.

2. Assume the best about the intentions of those around you. Unless you have facts to prove otherwise, assume that the negative talk is simply the bad habit of complaining.

3. Don't take it personally. Even when negative talk is directed toward you, don't take it personally. Negativity is basically selfishness, and their selfishness is about them, not about you. Yes, this is very difficult to put into practice. When you are the target of the other person's complaints, and especially their sarcasm, it is very hard not to take it personally. Try, however, to remain objective and assess whether their is any rational basis for the criticism.

4. Have compassion for negative people. While it is unpleasant to be around negative people, it is far more unpleasant to be an negative person. Each of these people is highly troubled. They perceive themselves as victims of hostile life forces beyond their control. They feel helpless and afraid. The most belligerent of them are the most fearful, paranoid actually, despite their outward bluster.

5. If it is compatible with your belief systems, hold a White Light of peace around each person who troubles you, or say a silent prayer for them. Perhaps light a candle for their spirit. Intend that they find their own happiness. Do this as an act of compassion and generosity, and not as an attempt to alter their behavior for your own benefit.

6. Forgive them. Forgive them for everything they have ever done that has been difficult for you. Then forgive them again and again for each new bit of gossip, sarcasm, or anger.

7. Have gratitude for what is positive. No person or situation is 100% negative. Have gratitude for everything that is positive. Make a list of everything that is positive about the person or situation. Keep writing until you have compiled a meaningful list. Then give thanks for all that is positive.

8. Consider how you can cheer up the negative person. Can you compliment a co-worker on a task well done? Even give them a note of appreciation or a gold star? Inquire about their family? Be supportive of their troubles without either agreeing or offering suggestions? However, if your attempts to befriend someone create more hostility, Stop. You tried, and there is no point in doing anything to annoy them further.

9. If all your attempts to create an uplifting connection with the negative person fail, establish your own boundaries and create your own happiness within your own personal space. Visualize yourself encased in an invisible protective "egg" that surrounds your body and enhances the positive while keeping the negative elements out. Create your own private world of joy.

10. Balance the negative aspects of your life with more powerful positive aspects. If your job is filled with negative influences, it is all the more important that your family life be positive. If your extended family is negative, it is crucial that your intimate relationship be positive. If your relationship with your spouse is negative, seek to have every other influence in your life be exceedingly positive. Seek out new positive opportunities. Cultivate friends with positive attitudes. Join groups that are populated by very positive people.

Am I Ready for This?

I now have a toddler...Caled turned one year old last May 19 - Am I ready for this??

Its surprising how fast he has grown, the night before his birthday, I was reminiscing the first time I got to know I was going to have Caled, the first time I felt his movement inside my tummy - it was like the flutter of butterfly wings! Now, I can't believe I have this bubbly, healthy, strong and handsome boy :)

I know I have a lot of reading to do, consultation with friends who are mothers as well...but I also know that each experience would be different as no two children would be the same.

Everyday, I pray for God to guide me and give me the wisdom to be able to raise Caled as a good son. A son who would please Him.

Work vs. Family

OK, this may not be a new topic...for all the working mothers out there, for sure you've gone through this, you're going through this and for those who are pregnant...you'll go through this.

I am a working mom. I have been working for the past 16 years. There have been changes from howI was when I started working to how I am now...there are a lot of changes as to how I was working when I did not have Caled and to how I'm working now that I have him.

The good points, I now work with more purpose...its not a matter of getting my salary and going out to fulfill my need for shoes, now, its more of working because I need to save and put aside money for the little one's future. I learned how to save and now, Caled and I both have our own accounts and I make it a point that I deposit the same amount of money in each of the accounts every payday.

I also learned to be more patient - super patient. Its not a matter of "I can easily look for another job if I want to" - nope, I now am more into staying in a particular job longer because I need to focus on making sure everything is stable for Caled and my siblings.

I learned how to balance my time, I don't spend more than 10 hours in the office - yes, me, the one who used to have an average of 14 to 16 hours of work on a daily basis. At the end of the day, all I can think of would be the welcoming smile that Caled normally gives me when he sees me arrive home from work.

Now, the bad points - I would sometimes work from home and last Sunday, while I was on the phone with someone in the office, my Caled woke up and gave a scream...he is so used to sleeping beside me every weekend and he's used to smelling me beside him when he rolls towards me, I guess he felt that I was not there beside him and he just screamed and cried for almost 30 minutes. He only stopped when he opened his eyes and felt me carrying him and singing to him...its was heartbreaking! The only time I felt guilty that I'm working hard.

I guess it would always be a struggle and eventually, Caled would start talking and he would learn to ask me why I'm not home most of the time. Right now, he would always get me to carry him whenever he would see that I'm getting ready to go to work...he doesn't cry but he looks at me with those button eyes and I feel like I don't want to go to work anymore...

The joys and hardships of being a working mom....I still have a long way to go....

First Hurt...

I never thought I would get to experience the type of fear and worry that I've gone through last Friday. I was getting ready for work and Led suddenly leaned forward and had a minor accident. OK, for the granma's and granpa's and tito's and tita's reading this...don't panic and do not go berserk - Caled is OK. I am just writing this to let my emotions out.

I guess it really is nerve wracking when you see your child get hurt, no matter how minor it is - if it's the first time, it is so heartbreaking - I was literally having difficulty breathing when it happened.

Caled leaned forward and lost his balance and hit his lip in the floor, it die not get swollen but it bled a bit. Of course the little tyke was screaming his head off. I was holding him and I felt like crying and screaming as well - I did not. I asked for his Nanny to get some ice and talked to him in soothing tones so that he would stop crying. He did - have I ever told you how much of a good boy he is?

Caled proceeded to go through his usual before bedtime ritual, he did not throw up and he did not get dizzy, a sure indication that he did not hit his head. I then, proceeded to go to work. On my way to work, all of these ugly, ugly thoughts came to my head. All the bad 'what ifs?' I even called my cousin who's a doctor and also sent a message to my brother to check on Caled once he gets home. I contacted our HR office to ask for my health card account number so that I can take Caled for a check up. I also left the office early just to make sure that Caled is fine. I was not able to breathe normally not until I got home and saw that he really is OK - sleeping in his usual "I own this bed" manner.

When I was pregnant with Caled, I said...I will be a logical Mommy and would not over-react over the littlest things. I would normally read and go through different things in the web just to make sure that I am well informed and I would not panic over petty things. But seeing that little amount of blood in Caled's lips last Friday? That made all of the readiness fly away...I was just the usual Mom who would not want to see her baby hurt.

My officemates were telling me, its normal. OK, it may be normal but would it be possible for me to be very, very, very careful so that it won't? Maybe, in the future, there would be times when he would definitely get hurt - it would be in a different manner. The kind of hurt that I would not be able to avoid or to shield him from....that is more scary. But, from what I have always promised myself previously, I would only be able to guide him and watch him become the man that he would be and I really, really hope I would be able to guide him well. In the end, I hope and pray that I would be a good Mom in the sense that I would have him fight his battles and cheer him on, I pray that I will not be overpowering and I won't be demanding....and please, please, please....Lord, do not let me live my son's life for him...if I start doing that, someone, anyone who's reading this message - give me a good whack in the head.

He can Crawl!

Caled turned 10 months last March 19 and the same day, he learned to crawl...am I ever the proud Mommy!

If I Could....

Funny how you listen to some songs that did not mean anything in the past and all of a sudden, you hear the song again and now, it holds a different meaning....motherhood....I love it!

If I Could (Celine Dion)
If I could I'd protect you from the sadness in your eyes. Give you courage in a world of compromise yes, I would. If I could I would teach you all the things I've never learned and I'd help you cross the bridges that I've burned yes, I would if I could. I would try to shield your innocence from time but the part of life I gave you isn't mine. I've watched you grow, so I could let you go. If I could I would help you make it through the hungry years but I know that I could never cry your tears but I would if I could yes, if I live in a time and place where you don't want to be you don't have to walk along this road with me. My yesterday won't have to be your way if I knew I would try to change the world I brought you to and there isn't very much that I could do but I would if I could, oh baby I just want to protect you and help my baby through the hungry years 'cause you're part of me and if you ever ever ever need I said a shoulder to cry on or just someone to talk to I'll be there, I'll be there I didn't change your world but I would if I could

Mommy Weekend....

Weekends! I love weekends....

My weekends have changed a lot since I became a Mommy. The old me would normally be at a nearby watering hole on a Saturday morning. Consuming buckets and buckets of beer along with other officemates. This would be what I call "de-stressing". After which, I would go home and spend the rest of my day sleeping, not unless I would have friends who would plan something for the evening.

That was then....now, I am more satisfied staying at home and spending time with my Bachuchuy. There's that certain excitement after work to go home. I could not wait to go home! Reason being, everytime I get off the cab and see my little one all of the stress that I have had in the office - it would all disappear. Caled has this welcoming smile and he would always reach out asking to be held the minute I get home.

Weekend, I would just normally spend time playing with Caled when he wakes up. Give him his milk, give him his bath and watching cartoons with him. I would sometimes have a weekend massage but I would rather have it at home rather than go to any spa. Home became, well, HOME.

I really love, love, love these quiet times at home with Caled...yep, I really think I have become a Mommy and I don't think I would have it any other way :)

Time Flies...

Caled is nine months already....he's growing so fast! It seems like he always has a new trick whenever I would come home from work.

Nowadays, he's into biting me and his Nanny and his Tita Honeylet and Tatay Ryann, that's because he's already teething, he already has four teeth :)

Led also loves to screams! He would be in the middle of mumbling words and then, all of a sudden he'll scream! The first time, I thought he was screaming because he was hurt but when I looked at him, he was flashing that adorable smile of his - plus he had that proud look in his face.

I really want to document everything that he's doing, make sure that I am able to write about it or capture photos of it but then, I'd rather be around him and spend those times with him - I can always store those moments in my memory and in my heart :)

Forever Worried, Forever Nervous, Forever Guilty....

Lately, I find myself always nervous, worried and guilty - yes, its a lot of emotion to feel at once and believe me, its not easy to feel all of these emotions all at the same time but as I've said...lately, I've been feeling it.

I am a working mother to a beautiful eight month old boy. I thought when I went back to work, I would get used to the feeling of being apart from him, anyway, its just going to be for a few hours a day, I was mistaken. It seems that everytime I go to work, I could not help but be worried, nervous and guiltly...always.

I love working. I used to stay long hours in the office, ensuring that every task is done and every issue resolved prior to going home. Now, I make it a point that I finish everything I need to do within nine hours and after that, I would get my things and go home, all the while imagining my little boy's smiling face. He always greets me with a smile when I get home, the feeling I get whenever he does that is unbelievable!

To say that I am so smitten and so much in love with my little man would be an understatement. Looking at him, I fall deeply, truly and unconditionally in love, over and over again. To see him smile brings happy tears to my eyes and to hear him giggle - I feel I can take on anything.

The worry, nervousness and guilt, I feel it whenever I would leave home to go to work. I feel as if a part of my heart is torn and is left home. I guess it follows when you become a mother, you would always leave a part of your heart out, open, unprotected. You will get hurt, its already a given. You will get hurt everytime your child gets hurt, you would ache for every disappointment that he will encounter, you'd get mad with every person who would hurt him. In the end, you would only have to be there for him, to support him and to let him face his challenges. Hold his hand when he needs it and give him advice when he asks for it.

I just wish that Caled will become the man that he should be - God fearing, loving and kind. I could only do my best and be here for him. I love you Caled, with all of my heart.

A Promise to Caled

Caled, my son....I promise...

that I will try my best to give you everything that you need, but not everything that you want.
that I will be beside you through the trials that come your way but I will not decide for you nor tell you what to do...
I would just give you my support and would let you take the steps that you need to overcome the different obstacles that you would encounter.
I will be beside you when you fall and would encourage you to pick yourself up and move on.
I will love you unconditionally, take care of you the best way I know how, share your happiness and tears.
I will let you enjoy your childhood and watch you become the man that you're supposed to be.

Love,

Your mother

Milestone :)

August 18, 2009
12:05PM

I put Caled down for his nap at 11:00AM. I normally place him on his tummy when he sleeps. At 12:05PM, he was already on his back, awake and smiling with pride :) Caled rolled over! Well, technically, it was the reverse of rolling over :)

Yey!

Change in Role

I am a MOTHER - the most important role that I would ever have. I have dreamed of being a Mommy since I was a kid. I love playing with my dolls and would take care of them. Change their nappies, feed them, rock them to sleep. Of course back then, I thought everything is easy - after all, dolls would not cry non-stop. My precious Caled takes all of my time. I am in this role 24/7. I learned how to keep one ear open for him even if I am asleep.

I would browse the net for information - not on shoes or bags as I would normally do but for information on breastfeeding and sleeping patterns and tips on how to calm a screaming baby. There would be times when I feel as if I have done everything - changed his nappy, fed him, burped him, rocked him to sleep but still - the crying and the screaming won't stop and I would be at wits end, confused, frustrated, close to crying as well...yeah, it takes a little person to bring me close to tears almost everyday.

I love looking at him when he's asleep, especially if he's having a good dream which would make him giggle, sigh or smile...if I can only capture all of those moments on camera I would but I guess, storing it in my memory is good as well. It would be something that I can think of when I am stressed at work.

This morning, I bathed Caled. He normally goes to sleep after his bath. After I fed him, I was rocking him to sleep and was singing to him. He opened his eyes and looked at me for a few seconds reached for my thumb and smiled and suddenly, I was in tears. Not because of sadness or exhaustion but because I have never in my life felt that kind of LOVE - pure, trusting...true.

I am a MOTHER, a role that I embrace whole-heartedly. I am thankful everyday that I am blessed with this wonderful, precious little man.

What Am I Doing Wrong???

When Caled was only a week old, he would always fidget and fuss when I'm holding him. When I would have my Sister hold him, he would immediately fall asleep, no fuss, no fidgeting.

I would keep thinking on what I was doing wrong. Is it the way that I hold him? Am I hurting him in any way? Is it that he doesn't like how I smell? What??!! And to add insult to injury, I have an Aunt who said that maybe Caled is more comfortable with my Sister and all my Son needs from me would be milk - OUCH! Major ouch! I mean, its really something that no Mommy would like to hear after all, isn't it that the Baby in question lived inside you for 40 freakin' weeks???

I continued with what I usually do with Caled. Feed him, sing him a lullaby, talk to him, read to him and eventually everything changed. He would be so familiar with me that now, he knows if I am in the room or if I'm the one holding him. He would still fuss and fidget when he hears my voice and apparently, this is normal for Babies. It gives you a gauge on how comfortable they are with you.

I read that Babies are more fussy when Mommies are around. This is because Babies know that with their Mommies, they can show their true colors and they will be accepted no matter what. I was surprised and amazed when I read that. I mean - isn't it the same with adults?

I am right now training the Nanny to take care of Caled. Caled is so even-tempered and sweet with her. Whenever she would feed him, I would make it a point that I am not in the room. Caled would normally play with his bottle if I am around. Even if the bottle contains breastmilk, he would still not take it because he knows that Mommy is around and he can get milk from me.

There would always be times when you know you've done everything and the Baby would still keep crying. There would be times when you are on the verge of screaming and crying as well but you have to lengthen your patience more. There would also be times when you would question your decision of having a Baby or even question your sanity. These are all normal, do not be guilty, we are after all only human.

It all boils down to you knowing your Baby. You would know what's best for your Baby and your Baby would help you as well. He would give you signs on what he wants and eventually, you would be able to be so familiar with the signs that you would know what he wants before he can cry his lungs out. Also, you would be able to know what he wants just by the way he cries - believe me....

The most important thing would be to spend time with your Baby. For working Mommies like me, maximize your maternity leave to make sure that you are spending every minute with your little one. I have been told not to carry Caled so much because he will get used to being carried all the time and I would not be able to accomplish anything else. Babies love to be held, I normally hold Caled as much as I can and I still have time to do other things. Of course, initally it's going to be hard, I remember not even having enough time to have a long shower because Caled would always cry but right now, it's different. He knows when to go to sleep and he knows that I would only hold him during daytime and night time would be for sleep. We've developled a routine and Caled got so familiar with it that when naptime comes, it would only take me a few minutes to put him to sleep.

We are still working on the bedtime at night though and it gets a little better day by day. I would not say that it will stay like this since Babies change their sleep patterns too but I will take my cues from Caled and we'll work on it together.