Change in Role

I am a MOTHER - the most important role that I would ever have. I have dreamed of being a Mommy since I was a kid. I love playing with my dolls and would take care of them. Change their nappies, feed them, rock them to sleep. Of course back then, I thought everything is easy - after all, dolls would not cry non-stop. My precious Caled takes all of my time. I am in this role 24/7. I learned how to keep one ear open for him even if I am asleep.

I would browse the net for information - not on shoes or bags as I would normally do but for information on breastfeeding and sleeping patterns and tips on how to calm a screaming baby. There would be times when I feel as if I have done everything - changed his nappy, fed him, burped him, rocked him to sleep but still - the crying and the screaming won't stop and I would be at wits end, confused, frustrated, close to crying as well...yeah, it takes a little person to bring me close to tears almost everyday.

I love looking at him when he's asleep, especially if he's having a good dream which would make him giggle, sigh or smile...if I can only capture all of those moments on camera I would but I guess, storing it in my memory is good as well. It would be something that I can think of when I am stressed at work.

This morning, I bathed Caled. He normally goes to sleep after his bath. After I fed him, I was rocking him to sleep and was singing to him. He opened his eyes and looked at me for a few seconds reached for my thumb and smiled and suddenly, I was in tears. Not because of sadness or exhaustion but because I have never in my life felt that kind of LOVE - pure, trusting...true.

I am a MOTHER, a role that I embrace whole-heartedly. I am thankful everyday that I am blessed with this wonderful, precious little man.